What Do I Do

Not in the best of moods tonight, we had a rough evening and now I feel terrible! I hate when this happens, I feel responsible and it makes me sad and angry. We live with a room mate, who I have become very good friends with. His step daughter moved in a few months ago, and life has been a struggle since. She can be a very sweet girl, and I know and understand some of the problems she has so I do my best to help her and be patient. I care about her, I want to see her improve herself and be happy. But because of some of her problems, she can at times be quite difficult to live with. Today became one of those days. Over the years I have learned to control my temper unless very pushed... and tonight I was pushed and I went off. Thing definitely came to a a head, I walked away and cooled off, she took a while but eventually cooled off... we both apologized and hugged and things are calming down. Problem is- when things like this happen, Cory gets brought into it, whether he is home or on the road, he gets pulled in. His daughter, he is the only person who can calm her down or even talk to her when she gets like that. Today I messaged him just letting him know and apologizing in advance that things might not be so good when he gets in... I should not have done that! Why couldn't I have just dealt with this on my own? After talks with me and with her and texts and everything, he is more in the middle than anyone! His anxiety acts up, he has chest pains, and I then stress about him and his health and safety. I hate it! He shouldn't have todeal with any of this! In a way I don't feel it is my fault... but then again it I feel totally responsible for it and feel just terrible! I'm almost in tears right now because I feel like he would be better off if my family moved out. I care about this man, I don't want to see him hurting or getting sick. And if we weren't here, he wouldn't be having this... it is me and my family that causes her breakdowns, therefore it is my fault. I am really lost right now. She and her boyfriend have plans to move in a few weeks, but meanwhile I don't know if this will happen again tomorrow or next week or a month from now. And Cory is the one who suffers most. Yes, it all affects my health as well... but my health isn't as important as his! He has a job, he has way more responsibilities than I do. Troy gets upset, but doesn't let it bother him much. Dallon gets angry and does his best to ignore it all. And my daughter gets stressed and scared. She is an empath, she can feel all the emotions in the house- the anger the sadness the fear... all of it! And it hurts her inside, she either falls apart crying because she is hurting and scared, or she has to leave. I hate seeing that more than anything. But really, my main concern right now is Cory. How do I make all this better? I don't think I can really. Bottom line is we need him and he needs us. Otherwise we would have been gone a long time ago. Last thing I want is to lose the amazing deal we have worked out here and lose this house! But at what point do I look at it and say it isn't worth the health issues and possibly losing a friendship when its all over? Do I walk away from my dream home or do I continue to do my best to make this work? Because I really do, I bite my tongue if I ever have something to say to his daughter, I remind my kids constantly about mutual respect, or showing respect to try to get it in return. And I do everything I possibly can to make sure Cory is taken care of. I see it as this is still his house and he is the one who pays most of the bills and deserves the most respect of anyone here. I hate that he is unhappy, I hate that he is hurting, that he is stressed, and all of it. I hate it!!! I want to just go away so we aren't the cause of his stress anymore.
I feel so guilty right now. I am so very sorry Cory. I do love you.