End of a Dream

Last night we were told it is time for us to find a new place to live. I had a feeling this was coming, but really hoped it would never happen. I thought we could make things work and keep our dream home. But Cory doesn't see current situations getting any better, he can't take the stress, and either can I really. He is just tired of all of it. It really has nothing to do with anything we did wrong, it just is what it is. I can see his side of things, not that I agree, but I can understand and I am not mad at him. Just frustrated and hurt with the situation.

This is beyond devastating for me. He has been telling us for a year and a half that this is our home, make it that way. And we have. I have memories here, I have plans for the house and the yard, I see my future here with my family.

But not now. I don't even know how to start looking for something else, I have been believing this was my home, that I would never have to look for something else. The depression that hit last week has been taken to  a totally new level. I have to find a new home for my family, my dogs, something we can fit in and afford, something that works for us... something exactly like what we have had here. It's scary in a way, but I am mostly just sad. Sad to be losing all this, sad to have to walk away from the dream we created and had. 

So how do I do this? How do I stay strong for my family and find us a new home that will satisfy all our needs? How do I not let this destroy me any worse than it has?

I still have so many questions I need answered, but I am getting nothing. I think thats part of the problem, I still feel there is so much in limbo. I'm the kind of person who needs to know everything before setting out to face the challenges. And right now I only have the basic info- we have to leave.

Troy is stressed, I can tell. He doesn't show much feeling, but I know he is worried about taking care of his family. My daughter I think is more worried about me than anything. She doesn't really understand the big picture, she only sees that we have been told to leave. 

There will be some big changes with this. It will be a very hard transition. But, we have to do what we have to do.

I am just so lost right now.

GOOD BYE HOME OF MY DREAMS