birth mom

I realize so much of my posting has been health related! That is not why I started this blog! So lets get back to me and my life outside the health problems!
I was just watching a show about people who are searching for their birth mothers. Adults who were given up for adoption as babies. It brings a lot into my mind. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my little girl.
I gave Echo up to foster care when she was a little over a year, visiting multiple times a week. By a year and a half, I said good bye for good and allowed her to be adopted, which occured on her 2nd birthday.
I know she will never have far to search for me, I know I will more than likely meet her before she becomes an adult. But what if something were to happen that would eliminate any way she has of finding me... would she search? 
She is 10. What goes thru the mind of a ten year old about the woman who gave birth to her? I look forward to the day I will meet her, I am nervous, but wouldn't anyone be? I don't know if I will meet her this year or in 5 years, or even longer. That isn't up to me, that is her choice. 
My daughter is a victim. Her father was an evil man. My stupidity makes her a victim of me as well. I pray my girls don't hold the past against me, I hope they both understand why things happened the way they did. I still blame myself for very much of the pain my girls went thru, altho it wasn't my doing.
Kayla and I have healed those wounds. We still talk, she understands for the most part. And we are closer than ever! We are closer than we would have been if we hadn't gone thru what we did. And I hope that one day I will be able to have even half that relationship with her sister. I don't want to be her mom, or her other mother. I want to be a friend. I gave up the right to call myself her mom, and I'm ok with that. She has amazing parents raising her! I just want to be a part of her life.
I am lucky enough to know that she can ask questions about me and get straight answers. I get to hear things about her. Most importantly to me- she and Kayla are still sisters, they see each other and have that relationship.
Yes, I'm rambling. I am tired and a bit emotional. 
I know people who have adopted children, I wonder if they fear the day the child wants to know about the birth parents? Or do they have open adoptions? I don't think my daughters parents have concerns about me and Echo seeing each other, they have been very open and honest with her about me, and I have made it clear that I respect their wishes and choices, I respect them as her parents.
I feel for people who can never find that parent. Not so much for the parent who gives up the child. The adult made that choice to walk out of the babys life... the baby did not have that choice, and I think have a right to know who and why.