There are things in my head saying stop the madness, take care of you. But the things in my heart tell me otherwise. Money or people? The internal battle is tearing me up! Money has never mattered to me, as long as I have what I need. I give to others who have less than I do- that is what is in my heart- always. But where do I draw the line? or do I? How bad do I let my own situation get before I stop doing for others?
The logical answer is stop now, take care of me. But my heart says no, the love I feel for others won't allow me to do that. I am not a cold person with no feelings! People tell me I care too much, I give too much... maybe so, but I can't just change who I am.
I will continue to struggle, continue to put myself at risk in a number of ways to make sure other people are cared for. Whether it is putting a roof over someones head or spending my last $5 on a case of water for hurricane victims... if I have to set aside my bills and my wants- I will!
As long as I feel appreciated for the things I do, I will continue doing them. yes, there are times I don't feel that- times I feel taken advantage of, but I know my efforts and my sacrifices are appreciated by those I help.
I know I need to focus on the positive and stop allowing the negative thoughts to overpower my mind and stress me out. But I am facing some serious concerns at this point, things most are not aware of. When faced with these realities again, in the next few weeks, if not sooner, I don't know what I will do or how I will respond. But I do know that I will find a way to deal with it at that time. I always do.
It is getting harder and harder for me to cope and face these kind of things head on. The situations I have had thrown at me this year have shredded my mental strength and ability to manage stress of any kind!
But some way, I will get thru it, one day at a time, one situation at a time. Logic mean nothing to a person like me- love, passion, emotion- that is who I am... No matter what the cost.
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