Remember when you were younger and nervous about a test? You told people you had anxiety. Was it really? For years I would have what I always considered panic attacks, today I look back and wonder... what exactly was that I was experiencing? I don't know, but it was nothing like the true anxiety I have experienced the past few years!
This year has been worse than any anxiety I have ever experienced, I can't leave the house- I can't even think about leaving the house without hot flashes and shakes and breathing problems. The thought of going to a bar with friends- horrifying! Sometimes I have anxiety for no explainable reason... I can be sitting watching television and just get the hot flashes and loss of breath and other sensations that go along with it. My anxiety has even caused me to go into seizures in recent months. I have lost most of my social life, I'm again unable to drive the majority of time, I work very minimal hours.
People don't truly understand the extent of anxiety until they have been there. it truly is debilitating... and I hate it! I make excuses for everything, I hate admitting that I can't go out because of anxiety.
A friend shared this article tonight on her facebook that was a great read for me, and it inspired me to share...
http://irelease.org/11-things-others-dont-realize-you-are-doing-because-of-your-high-functioning-anxiety/
It's not that simple to just take a deep breath, to push it to the back of your mind, or whatever else people always say/ Anxiety is one of those invisible illnesses, but it affects people physically. Remember that next time a friend tells you they have anxiety.
My Love
Monday, October 30, 2017
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Therapy
Have I mentioned I started seeing a therapist? When ,y depression was at it's worse and I was feeling suicidal, I realized maybe I sould get help. So every week I go see this sweet gal and tell her how I'm feeling and the latest misery, I cry, I tell her about my anger and my heartbreak... and she listens. She helps me work on coping skills. It has been good for me. I am starting to open up about other things besides the one major cause of my depression, and she is helping me understand myself a bit. Today was a good session. lots of tears and breaking thru frustrations and anger. Next week my husband will be joining us, and I am really looking forward to that. We have some serious communication barriers and I am hopeful she can help us with that- I think it will improve a lot of things in me if I can talk to my husband more easily.
Therapy is not meant to fix me, it isn't going to cure my depression. But it is helping me. It is giving me an outlet, and teaching me better coping skills... actually- I have lost all coping skills, so this is like starting from scratch.
So I have two more weeks of this then I will probably be taking the rest of the year off because of my surgery. That will be hard, because the holidays are the hardest for me. And with everything I'm dealing with- it is going to be even worse!
But, thru it all, I am feeling better- and I feel I can get thru things now. There was a long time that I did feel I was a danger to myself, but I don't feel that way today, and each day I seem to find more reasons to live rather than wanting to not live. I struggle every day, I cry most days... but I am alive and plan to stay that way.
Therapy is not meant to fix me, it isn't going to cure my depression. But it is helping me. It is giving me an outlet, and teaching me better coping skills... actually- I have lost all coping skills, so this is like starting from scratch.
So I have two more weeks of this then I will probably be taking the rest of the year off because of my surgery. That will be hard, because the holidays are the hardest for me. And with everything I'm dealing with- it is going to be even worse!
But, thru it all, I am feeling better- and I feel I can get thru things now. There was a long time that I did feel I was a danger to myself, but I don't feel that way today, and each day I seem to find more reasons to live rather than wanting to not live. I struggle every day, I cry most days... but I am alive and plan to stay that way.
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Roxy
I learned this week she has a bad knee. She has been limping and being gentle on her right leg and I have watched it get worse over the past couple weeks. I was told the only way to resolve this is surgery. If we don't do surgery, she will soon be unable to support her own weight and could stop walking. I am totally heart broken! The cost of surgery is not even something we can consider! A friend suggested that I set up a GoFundMe campaign to try to raise the money... so I did. I am always giving whenever I can, I never ask for help- it's hard for me to ask for help! But it's my turn. I need to do whatever I can to save this fur baby! She is my service dog!
I myself am having surgery in a couple weeks and will be out of work for about a month- making it even harder to come up with money for this.
I have 2 dogs of my own, plus 4 that are kind of fosters- they belong to my family who lives with us. My dream is to have property to adopt as many unwanted pets as I can and give them a loving home. But for now, I have these. I would be lost without any of them. I would be especially lost without Roxy. My first dog to this pack I call my private zoo.
If any of you reading this would be willing to help me, below is the link to the GoFundMe page. I am truly at aloss for what to do at this point. I'm scared.
https://www.gofundme.com/4zpq7q-roxy-needs-surgery
Friday, October 20, 2017
thankful for family
Have I mentioned how much I love my family? And my ride family?
I haven't been out much this year, this ride season. Between trying to work, having health problems, and financial issues, not to mention the depression- I just haven't been a part of the things I normally am. Last night I had the chance to attend an event for my favorite Gold Star family, as a part of PGR (aka ride family). I even got on the bike for a few miles! It really was healing for me to get out and be around those people and their positive energy. Even one of our longest time members and former state captain who is now battling cancer, was able to attend this event! If she can muster the energy and fight the emotions, then I can too! It helped me more than anything else last night to see her! Then I decided to splurge and we went to dinner with about half the group from the event. It was an evening of forgetting my stress and full of smiles! Very healing! I need to remember these people really are good for me.
My family, the people I consider my family are the people in my home. This weekend marks one year since I met them on the day we moved them in, and one year since my life has been forever changed. They have taught me so much, brought renewed joy to my life. Reminded me of the reasons to have family and be close. And of course- to be thankful for the little things and to always give when you can. I truly can't imagine not having them in my life. There is no doubt in my mind that they are the reason I am alive today.
I also have my Tooele family... of course my daughter- my reason for everything ever. But her dad and grandparents who have been such good friends to me and truly are still family 25 years after divorcing. They have supported me thru some rough times, been there for me no matter what. That's family.
Then there is my own biological family. My sister is not a part of my life, her choice- I tried to reconnect and hope that one day we can get on with life and be friends. I am blessed to have my parents back in my life, altho it is limited, I still have contact and feel like I can open up a bit again with them. I have some contact with a couple cousins, but that's it. My parents are an important part of my life, tho. I need to have them around, I for them to know I really do love them and I want to spend time with them before it's too late.
I have been blessed with so many people I consider family, people I love, people I would die for. I have been blessed people who feel the same for me. Once in a while I forget that I matter to people, and how lucky I really am to have all these incredible people in my life.
My husband, I can't forget him. He has put up with so much- my health, my depression, my past. He is my rock. I don't think he knows that, I don't think he understands how much he really does mean to me. But I believe all this was meant to happen, and we were meant to be together in the end.
I love you all!
I haven't been out much this year, this ride season. Between trying to work, having health problems, and financial issues, not to mention the depression- I just haven't been a part of the things I normally am. Last night I had the chance to attend an event for my favorite Gold Star family, as a part of PGR (aka ride family). I even got on the bike for a few miles! It really was healing for me to get out and be around those people and their positive energy. Even one of our longest time members and former state captain who is now battling cancer, was able to attend this event! If she can muster the energy and fight the emotions, then I can too! It helped me more than anything else last night to see her! Then I decided to splurge and we went to dinner with about half the group from the event. It was an evening of forgetting my stress and full of smiles! Very healing! I need to remember these people really are good for me.
My family, the people I consider my family are the people in my home. This weekend marks one year since I met them on the day we moved them in, and one year since my life has been forever changed. They have taught me so much, brought renewed joy to my life. Reminded me of the reasons to have family and be close. And of course- to be thankful for the little things and to always give when you can. I truly can't imagine not having them in my life. There is no doubt in my mind that they are the reason I am alive today.
I also have my Tooele family... of course my daughter- my reason for everything ever. But her dad and grandparents who have been such good friends to me and truly are still family 25 years after divorcing. They have supported me thru some rough times, been there for me no matter what. That's family.
Then there is my own biological family. My sister is not a part of my life, her choice- I tried to reconnect and hope that one day we can get on with life and be friends. I am blessed to have my parents back in my life, altho it is limited, I still have contact and feel like I can open up a bit again with them. I have some contact with a couple cousins, but that's it. My parents are an important part of my life, tho. I need to have them around, I for them to know I really do love them and I want to spend time with them before it's too late.
I have been blessed with so many people I consider family, people I love, people I would die for. I have been blessed people who feel the same for me. Once in a while I forget that I matter to people, and how lucky I really am to have all these incredible people in my life.
My husband, I can't forget him. He has put up with so much- my health, my depression, my past. He is my rock. I don't think he knows that, I don't think he understands how much he really does mean to me. But I believe all this was meant to happen, and we were meant to be together in the end.
I love you all!
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
randomness
Just some random thoughts tonight...
First the weather. I really don't like the weather in Salt Lake. Actually, I just really don't like Salt Lake! But the winter.... I've never been a fan of cold weather, and as I get older- it gets harder to deal with. I want to live in a warm climate! I want to be where it doesn't get below 40 degrees, I don't need to see snow- I can see it on tv or facebook! I am almost 50 years old and just dread spending another winter here. But I know in reality, I will probably be here another 10 years because of my husbands employment. UGH!
So why do I dislike Salt Lake other than that? it's huge! I am done living in a big city. I have lived here for as long as I can remember, and I was in a big city prior to being here. I want to live in the country, or a small town that doesn't have the traffic and the crime and all the ugliness that goes along with big city life. I want to know my neighbors- even if they live a quarter mile away! I want to live in a place that doesn't have a WalMart! Peace and quiet... and warm.
My dream home... I want to have like 5 acres with a main home for Troy and I, and 3 or 4 small guest homes on the property- so people can come visit us or if friends or family are in need of a place to live- I can always provide! Plenty of room for my dogs to run- and to adopt more dogs that need homes! I have big dreams. Southern Utah, somewhere in Arizona, there are even areas of California I would consider. Far from everything I have known for so long, but I would find some peace in it!
It's hard to try to convince my husband to leave literally everything behind- his family, friends, everything is here. He was born here and has never left. It's hard to think about moving away from all the people who matter, but as long as he and I are together- that's all we need. Friends and family can always visit! But at some point I have to stop using others as an excuse to stay put and believe they will be ok when I'm gone.
I have to dream... or I have nothing.
Monday, October 16, 2017
logic or love
There are things in my head saying stop the madness, take care of you. But the things in my heart tell me otherwise. Money or people? The internal battle is tearing me up! Money has never mattered to me, as long as I have what I need. I give to others who have less than I do- that is what is in my heart- always. But where do I draw the line? or do I? How bad do I let my own situation get before I stop doing for others?
The logical answer is stop now, take care of me. But my heart says no, the love I feel for others won't allow me to do that. I am not a cold person with no feelings! People tell me I care too much, I give too much... maybe so, but I can't just change who I am.
I will continue to struggle, continue to put myself at risk in a number of ways to make sure other people are cared for. Whether it is putting a roof over someones head or spending my last $5 on a case of water for hurricane victims... if I have to set aside my bills and my wants- I will!
As long as I feel appreciated for the things I do, I will continue doing them. yes, there are times I don't feel that- times I feel taken advantage of, but I know my efforts and my sacrifices are appreciated by those I help.
I know I need to focus on the positive and stop allowing the negative thoughts to overpower my mind and stress me out. But I am facing some serious concerns at this point, things most are not aware of. When faced with these realities again, in the next few weeks, if not sooner, I don't know what I will do or how I will respond. But I do know that I will find a way to deal with it at that time. I always do.
It is getting harder and harder for me to cope and face these kind of things head on. The situations I have had thrown at me this year have shredded my mental strength and ability to manage stress of any kind!
But some way, I will get thru it, one day at a time, one situation at a time. Logic mean nothing to a person like me- love, passion, emotion- that is who I am... No matter what the cost.
The logical answer is stop now, take care of me. But my heart says no, the love I feel for others won't allow me to do that. I am not a cold person with no feelings! People tell me I care too much, I give too much... maybe so, but I can't just change who I am.
I will continue to struggle, continue to put myself at risk in a number of ways to make sure other people are cared for. Whether it is putting a roof over someones head or spending my last $5 on a case of water for hurricane victims... if I have to set aside my bills and my wants- I will!
As long as I feel appreciated for the things I do, I will continue doing them. yes, there are times I don't feel that- times I feel taken advantage of, but I know my efforts and my sacrifices are appreciated by those I help.
I know I need to focus on the positive and stop allowing the negative thoughts to overpower my mind and stress me out. But I am facing some serious concerns at this point, things most are not aware of. When faced with these realities again, in the next few weeks, if not sooner, I don't know what I will do or how I will respond. But I do know that I will find a way to deal with it at that time. I always do.
It is getting harder and harder for me to cope and face these kind of things head on. The situations I have had thrown at me this year have shredded my mental strength and ability to manage stress of any kind!
But some way, I will get thru it, one day at a time, one situation at a time. Logic mean nothing to a person like me- love, passion, emotion- that is who I am... No matter what the cost.
Thursday, October 12, 2017
What's On My Mind
Last night I was watching a reality show and I got some reality reminders of my own. This struggle I have had with my depression... isn't just my struggle. I don't discuss it much with my husband, but he knows I struggle, I've told him how miserable i am and that I have had suicidal thoughts- altho I don't know how much he really see, how serious he believes this is. We don't talk much about it, I feel like I shouldn't burden him with it, and I know he isn't equipped to help me. I know he wants to help, but really doesn't know how. What never hit me until last night, how does this affect him? How does MY depression affect how he thinks and feels- about me, our marriage, our future... even my love and dedication to him. I love Troy, and I am more dedicated to my marriage and our future than I was a year ago! I hate that he probably doesn't understand the pain and unhappiness I am dealing with, I don't like to think that he may feel less than the husband he should be because he can't help me. I hate that he might think I don't want to be with him, or that any of this is his fault!
I don't know that I will ever be the person he chased for so many years, I don't know that I will ever again be the woman he married, or even the person I tried so hard to continue to be after my health started failing me. And I don't know that any of that even matters to him. Whoever I am when and if this all comes to an end, I do know that I will be a different person from who I ever have been- that's how life and experiences work. I just hope that he will accept and love the me who I am becoming.
I cannot, at this time, say that I am getting better or that I will get better. I don't honestly know that my husband will have a wife or be a widower a year from now... or get sick of my shit and divorce me!
I love my husband, and I pray that he is strong enough to get thru this with me. He may not feel like I need him, but I do!
I don't know that I will ever be the person he chased for so many years, I don't know that I will ever again be the woman he married, or even the person I tried so hard to continue to be after my health started failing me. And I don't know that any of that even matters to him. Whoever I am when and if this all comes to an end, I do know that I will be a different person from who I ever have been- that's how life and experiences work. I just hope that he will accept and love the me who I am becoming.
I cannot, at this time, say that I am getting better or that I will get better. I don't honestly know that my husband will have a wife or be a widower a year from now... or get sick of my shit and divorce me!
I love my husband, and I pray that he is strong enough to get thru this with me. He may not feel like I need him, but I do!
Monday, October 9, 2017
I miss this
As most of you have read, I have had troubles in my relationship with my family, over 5 years of zero contact with my parents prior to this year. But thru it all, there are things from my childhood that I truly miss. Things I will never have back, things that I didn't carry on in my family- that I probably should have.
I really did have a good childhood, my parents took good care of my sister and I and gave us wonderful memories, taught us family values and good morals.
I miss helping my mom tear up loaves of fresh bread 2 days before Thanksgiving and laying it out on every cooking sheet we own to prepare for homemade stuffing. I miss sitting listening to my parents and their siblings talk about my grandparents- things from way before my day! I miss eggs benedict on Wilbeldon finals Sunday. I miss watching mom cook, altho I never got any of her talent! I miss her food!
I miss sitting in my dads office just watching him work. And the most amazing 10 years working at his side! I miss the polock jokes and my dads crazy sense of humor that drove mom nuts. I miss their cute bickering.
I miss the road trips, camping, driving across country- 3 people in a person car! I miss the things I learned on those trips and the things I saw, the foods I ate!
I miss being allow to open ONE gift one Christmas eve- and always knowing what it was... grandma made all the girls nightgowns every year, and we had them on Christmas morning every year!
Here's a crazy one... I miss the responsibility. Every Saturday my sister and I knew, without being told, that we had weely chores and we couldn't go play or anything until they were done. we just knew and did it. Rules were made in our family and we all followed them, simple! Just like dishes, we knew whose turn it was and they got done, they were never left even an hour after everyone was finished with dinner... the faster I got dishes done, the sooner I could sit down to watch that show I want to see!
I miss watching tv as a family, even the crap I had zero interest in! 60 Minutes and stuff like that.
Childhood doesn't last forever, but family should. I am blessed to have my parents back in my life. Hopefully one day my sister will open up to having me in her life too.
I really did have a good childhood, my parents took good care of my sister and I and gave us wonderful memories, taught us family values and good morals.
I miss helping my mom tear up loaves of fresh bread 2 days before Thanksgiving and laying it out on every cooking sheet we own to prepare for homemade stuffing. I miss sitting listening to my parents and their siblings talk about my grandparents- things from way before my day! I miss eggs benedict on Wilbeldon finals Sunday. I miss watching mom cook, altho I never got any of her talent! I miss her food!
I miss sitting in my dads office just watching him work. And the most amazing 10 years working at his side! I miss the polock jokes and my dads crazy sense of humor that drove mom nuts. I miss their cute bickering.
I miss the road trips, camping, driving across country- 3 people in a person car! I miss the things I learned on those trips and the things I saw, the foods I ate!
I miss being allow to open ONE gift one Christmas eve- and always knowing what it was... grandma made all the girls nightgowns every year, and we had them on Christmas morning every year!
Here's a crazy one... I miss the responsibility. Every Saturday my sister and I knew, without being told, that we had weely chores and we couldn't go play or anything until they were done. we just knew and did it. Rules were made in our family and we all followed them, simple! Just like dishes, we knew whose turn it was and they got done, they were never left even an hour after everyone was finished with dinner... the faster I got dishes done, the sooner I could sit down to watch that show I want to see!
I miss watching tv as a family, even the crap I had zero interest in! 60 Minutes and stuff like that.
Childhood doesn't last forever, but family should. I am blessed to have my parents back in my life. Hopefully one day my sister will open up to having me in her life too.
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Who Cares? I do!
Ever feel like you are the only person who give a flying fuck about anything? Yeah, that's me right now. Why do I feel that way? Better question- Why do I care if no one else does? I honestly want to just stop caring for a few days, about everything... maybe then the people around me would realize maybe they should care, or act like they do! I don't get paid to care, I don't get thanked for caring, it is expected of me- because that's just who I am... Amy will take care of it she will fix it- because she cares.
I'm not going to go off ranting about any of it, that's just what's on my mind tonight.
I'm not going to go off ranting about any of it, that's just what's on my mind tonight.
Friday, October 6, 2017
todays thoughts
Not 24 hours can go by in my life without tears rolling down my face. How did this become my life? It started out that I just couldn't deal with that one thing that was going on... then it became a couple more. Now? I have zero coping skills. I feel like everything is going wrong and nothing is going right. I struggle each day to find anything to be positive about... and sometimes when I do, I realize that positive is actually a negative in some ways.
How long can I keep going like this? I said that S word again today- am I really there again? I know the depression has grown but I thought I had left those thoughts behind me and was doing better in that aspect, I had kind of found some hope for me and a future. Now, I don't have hope- again. I don't see a reason, other than abandoning my husband, to keep going. I no longer care what would happen to others if I was gone, I don't care how people would feel if I took my life. I have always hated that, even after losing friends to suicide- the friends who say "how can you do this to me?" This is about me, not you. This is about the pain that I want to stop, not about the pain it would cause you. When I start feeling like this, and actually let people know how I feel- I get texts and calls trying to guilt me out of it. Make me feel guilty? Because I don't already feel shitty enough? Guilt won't help!It makes a person feel like they failed yet another person.
I try to figure out what it would take to change these feelings and the tears, I know it can't all happen at once! I'm back to work- that's a baby step. But with each baby step I get shoved back three steps in other places! And that's even another thing that brings me down... I start feeling better about how Im doing, making progress... then bam! I get knocked down again. It is all so frustrating... and I can't deal with frustration these days. I blew up and started crying at work today, I cried when I came home, oh- and of course cried this morning... I can't go a day, or even 10 hours without tears.
What happened to the strong me? What happened to the me who could hide her troubles? The me who just didn't let shit get to her?
This whole week has been rough, more hidden tears than usual, more feeling of inadequacy than normal... (what is normal for me anymore?) I can't fix every problem, I can't be the one responsible for everyones health and happiness. I can't help you if you won't help yourself. I can't be the one that everything comes down on.
At some point I will stop caring. I will give up. I already have stopped caring about a lot of things, and I have given up on a lot as well... soon... nothing... will... matter...
How long can I keep going like this? I said that S word again today- am I really there again? I know the depression has grown but I thought I had left those thoughts behind me and was doing better in that aspect, I had kind of found some hope for me and a future. Now, I don't have hope- again. I don't see a reason, other than abandoning my husband, to keep going. I no longer care what would happen to others if I was gone, I don't care how people would feel if I took my life. I have always hated that, even after losing friends to suicide- the friends who say "how can you do this to me?" This is about me, not you. This is about the pain that I want to stop, not about the pain it would cause you. When I start feeling like this, and actually let people know how I feel- I get texts and calls trying to guilt me out of it. Make me feel guilty? Because I don't already feel shitty enough? Guilt won't help!It makes a person feel like they failed yet another person.
I try to figure out what it would take to change these feelings and the tears, I know it can't all happen at once! I'm back to work- that's a baby step. But with each baby step I get shoved back three steps in other places! And that's even another thing that brings me down... I start feeling better about how Im doing, making progress... then bam! I get knocked down again. It is all so frustrating... and I can't deal with frustration these days. I blew up and started crying at work today, I cried when I came home, oh- and of course cried this morning... I can't go a day, or even 10 hours without tears.
What happened to the strong me? What happened to the me who could hide her troubles? The me who just didn't let shit get to her?
This whole week has been rough, more hidden tears than usual, more feeling of inadequacy than normal... (what is normal for me anymore?) I can't fix every problem, I can't be the one responsible for everyones health and happiness. I can't help you if you won't help yourself. I can't be the one that everything comes down on.
At some point I will stop caring. I will give up. I already have stopped caring about a lot of things, and I have given up on a lot as well... soon... nothing... will... matter...
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
Las Vegas
As most everyone knows, Sunday night there was a mass shooting in Las Vegas. A man opened fire on an outdoor music festival killing almost 60 and injuring over 500 others. Heart breaking. I sat up all night watching the news, trying to make sense of this as the authorities were trying to figure it out. Innocent people, all races, religions, kids and elderly, this was not an attack on any particular group- other than country music fans.
Initially there were reports of additional shooters, the chaos was insane. Immediately people were claiming to have seen a second and third shooter in other hotels- why then, were there no other shootings?
Three days later we have a dozen alternate stories and conspiracy theories of what happened. I choose to listen to my heart the actual news. What we have learned- aside from the conspiracy theories, is this was one man, not 2 or 3. He was white, he was retired, he was wealthy. Not your 'typical' mass murderer, huh? I have chosen not to judge until I learn more about the man himself. No one knows what led him to this at this point. No letters or suicide notes, no emails have been released, we really know nothing right now.
My big issue right now? people swearing there were other shooters. People calling for immediate gun control changes. People blaming Trump. People attacking the fact that if this was a black guy... People screaming about abortion then saying guns are my right. And the hate being spread when they claim to be so against hate because that is what causes this behavior. Saying what we need is God in schools and back in homes. UGH!
There was another active shooter in the Paris Hotel, I saw him with my own eyes! Really? Active shooter= a person firing a weapon. why were there no injuries or even reports of shots fired?
Stop with the politics, really. Do you realize there are people who haven't even had their loved ones released to them yet? These people need to grieve, for hell sake! They dont' want to hear you fighting over gun control already! And while you are at it- don't tell me how many deaths there are each year by abortion and want that banned but having guns is your right!
And can someone explain how this is Trumps fault? Really?
The God factor... I have seen a number of people say what we need is God back in the home and prayer in schools. Really? I was raised without God in my home and I turned out to not be a mass murderer. I raised my daughter in a pagan home and she is one of the kindest souls I know. Teaching values and respect and morals has nothing to do with God!
I do think our gun laws need to be changed, I am not saying guns should be banned!
This was a terrible tragic event that will not be forgotten for a long time. And as long as people continue to fight over these issues- nothing will be resolved! Stop the hate, stop the arguing. Come together and be just a little bit open minded to the other sides views. And just maybe we can find a reasonable solution that will help prevent these kind of things from happening. No, they will never be stopped- it is part of todays world. But every angry word you say to a friend who disagrees with your stand on gun control, every negative thought you have about people who have mental health issues, every bit of hate that you let out... that is what creates this behavior in people- even in yourself!
Just love one another. And pray for the victims.
Initially there were reports of additional shooters, the chaos was insane. Immediately people were claiming to have seen a second and third shooter in other hotels- why then, were there no other shootings?
Three days later we have a dozen alternate stories and conspiracy theories of what happened. I choose to listen to my heart the actual news. What we have learned- aside from the conspiracy theories, is this was one man, not 2 or 3. He was white, he was retired, he was wealthy. Not your 'typical' mass murderer, huh? I have chosen not to judge until I learn more about the man himself. No one knows what led him to this at this point. No letters or suicide notes, no emails have been released, we really know nothing right now.
My big issue right now? people swearing there were other shooters. People calling for immediate gun control changes. People blaming Trump. People attacking the fact that if this was a black guy... People screaming about abortion then saying guns are my right. And the hate being spread when they claim to be so against hate because that is what causes this behavior. Saying what we need is God in schools and back in homes. UGH!
There was another active shooter in the Paris Hotel, I saw him with my own eyes! Really? Active shooter= a person firing a weapon. why were there no injuries or even reports of shots fired?
Stop with the politics, really. Do you realize there are people who haven't even had their loved ones released to them yet? These people need to grieve, for hell sake! They dont' want to hear you fighting over gun control already! And while you are at it- don't tell me how many deaths there are each year by abortion and want that banned but having guns is your right!
And can someone explain how this is Trumps fault? Really?
The God factor... I have seen a number of people say what we need is God back in the home and prayer in schools. Really? I was raised without God in my home and I turned out to not be a mass murderer. I raised my daughter in a pagan home and she is one of the kindest souls I know. Teaching values and respect and morals has nothing to do with God!
I do think our gun laws need to be changed, I am not saying guns should be banned!
This was a terrible tragic event that will not be forgotten for a long time. And as long as people continue to fight over these issues- nothing will be resolved! Stop the hate, stop the arguing. Come together and be just a little bit open minded to the other sides views. And just maybe we can find a reasonable solution that will help prevent these kind of things from happening. No, they will never be stopped- it is part of todays world. But every angry word you say to a friend who disagrees with your stand on gun control, every negative thought you have about people who have mental health issues, every bit of hate that you let out... that is what creates this behavior in people- even in yourself!
Just love one another. And pray for the victims.
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