Thursday Thoughts

I am pretty much fed up with people right now. I don't need your judgement or your opinions, I don't need the disrespect or lies, I don't need you approval for anything.
I have lived one hell of a life, and I have worked hard to get where I am today. Where is that? I am confident, I am proud, I am living my life for me and my husband. I have a beautiful home in a place where I have longed to be. I have earned every bit of what I have- including my right to speak my mind and shut out people who bring negative energy into my world.
Why am I buying a home? Because I can! Why did I get a third dog? Because my heart and my home have the room for an animal that was not wanted. Why do I care about a menial amount of money you owe me? Because it is a responsibility. Why do I not work? What do I do with my money? None of these things are any of your concern! Really! Worry about yourselves!
Today I have just had enough of being attacked and lied to and ignored and treated like shit!
I had an amazing short conversation with a very special woman today, she reminded me that my past has made me an incredibly strong person. My story has helped people. Why should I feel intimidated or allow anyone to put me down for being me? I have survived domestic violence, I survived being a single mother, I have gotten thru losing some of my closest loved ones, I survived prison- for hell sake! All with a disability that I fight every day of my life.
No one truly knows my entire story, no one knows what goes on in my head. No one understands the mental and emotional battle I fight every single day. Yes, I occasionally say things I shouldn't, I do really well at biting my tongue most of the time- but once in a while I slip and say what is really on my mind. Do I regret it? Hell no! I am not here to impress anyone, I am not pretending to be someone I am not. I am me- and proud of it.
Go ahead and hate me, talk about me, think what you want. But look at yourself and ask if you are so perfect to be judging me and my life. All I want is peace, I love more than I should- it causes me more pain than I can deal with at times. I care about almost everyone's well being- which has gotten me in trouble more often than I like to admit! People take advantage of good hearted people like me, it has happened over and over and over... maybe somewhere in my head this was one of my reasons for escaping the city... go to where no one can use me.
I am not an idiot, i can see thru the lies and the hidden agendas, I can feel your emotions, I can see your soul. I have overcome a lot in this life, I have experienced more than most- more than I like to admit. 
If you want positive in your life- be positive, if you want positive from me- don't attack me, try understanding me. If you want respect- give respect, earn respect. If you want love, give love- openly, freely, honestly.
I believe it is tie for me to log off the social media world for a bit, and maybe even shut off my phone. I need to regroup, I need to meditate and get some grounding. Too much negativity and hurt lately, that needs to be cleared and forgiven... yes forgiven. That doesn't mean if you hurt me or fucked me over that it will be forgotten and put in the past, it means I will forgive you for what you do not understand, I will forgive your actions that caused me harm. It does not mean we are best friends again, it means I am clearing my soul and my mind of the harm you caused- you still have to live with what you choose to do to others.