Alone

Do you ever feel alone? Like really alone?
I am struggling emotionally right now, and all I want is someone to talk to, someone who knows me and understands me... and cares.
Everyone who ever fit those things has either removed themselves from my life or I have removed them. Toxic relationships are never good, they need to be cut. Those people can't help you. And those who act like they care when it's convenient for them, but otherwise have cut you out of their life- what kind of friend is that? Do they care? Most likely no. I don't want to talk to people who are fake, I don't want people around who pretend to care... I want those real friends.
Do I have people like that in my life? Of course I do! But that list is getting shorter every day. But we are all battling our own demons, trying to get thru this life. We don't always have the time for each other that we wish we had.
I struggle with this every single time I get a little down, when my depression starts to kick in. There was a time in my life when i had any number of friends to reach out to. And today I have very few.
This really isn't a bad thing, altho it seems like it- like I said- I feel alone. But looking at it differently, it really is a positive. Toxic, negative people have been eliminated from my circle. I have no room for liars, back-stabbers, angry and hateful people, self-centered, self destructive people or people who are out to destroy you, those who blame everyone else but never own their challenges... these are the type of people we all need to eliminate! For our own mental and emotional health.
It hurts. To not have those people to reach out to, to see people you truly care about turn their backs on you... or having to stand your ground and keep your back turned to them.
I hurt, my depression was fighting to come back and then mom passed away... I need someone who knows. But those people don't exist in my life anymore.
And I am ok with that.