As I sit here on the brink of suicide, I have stopped putting on a happy face- let people see inside my head, maybe someone is going to see that cry and reach out to me.
No... the past few days I have been told I'm trying to get sympathy, to just take a deep breath... smile- it always makes me feel better, suck it up, it will get better... sorry you are having a rough time- tomorrow is a new day.
To all of you- fuck you!
To the one person who actually has reached out- thank you, just thank you for taking a few minutes out of your life to try. And the one person who has the busiest life I know, but knew I needed a break and got me out of the house last week- thank you.
My husband wants me to be ok, he tries once in a while, but he doesnt understand and he struggles to accept that i'm not ok. He can't help me anymore, and i think he knows it. We have grown apart just too much for him to have any idea how to help me. I love him so much, and he deserves so much better than this.
So to all you who ignored my cries, and who told me to smile- When you get the news that I am gone, don't cry over me, don't say- oh I didn't see the signs, I wish she had reached out to someone.
I am alive today because of one thing... my dogs. And unfortunately they mean more to me than I do to myself, so I will probably live like this a little longer- miserable, just because I'm worried about my dogs.
Just a thought, next time you copy and paste on your social media about suicide awareness, or being there for people... think about it- would you really be there for them?
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