It is pretty obvious that I have been battling depression. But I am battling, I am not giving in to the suicidal thoughts I have. But I am being honest about how I am feeling. I am not hiding behind social media with puppy dogs and unicorns, I am expressing myself, it helps me and I thought it would maybe come across as a cry for help and those who care would reach out and help talk me thru this. Nope!
I thought being told to take a deep breath and smile was annoying, being put down for sharing how I am feeling... I thought those things were hard to deal with. Today someone topped it. I got an inbox message from Facebook! Letting me know that someone had anonymously reported a concern that I was suicidal. When I clicked the message my feed disappeared and was replaced with a bunch of lecture crap about how FB want to be sure everyone is safe and they care and blah fucking blah! then a list of phone numbers, emails, live chat options... finally find a place to click to exit this crap and I get a second page of the same stuff!
My thinking is, if someone cares- wouldn't they reach out to me? text, call, anything... directly to ME! That might help uplift me a bit, show me that they care. Anonymously reporting to Facebook? So I can get an auto reply? Isn't that just freaking sweet and caring?! UGH! I am very angry over this, and hurt. That is really a good way to send someone over the edge who really is on the edge.
I have a couple lights. A couple people who truly show they care, check in on me, make sure today I have at least one thing keeping me going. THAT is what helps.
I have not finished my purpose for being, and therefor I will not cave in to the desperate cries in my head to end my own life. It is a daily struggle, I cry more than I smile, every night when I take my meds I wonder if I would wake up the next day if I took the entire bottle... I hate this life and every day I realize I hate the people in this world. But a few people remind me that I am strong, and I can get thru this. So I will... just done with people. People who say they care, people who stab you in the back, people who think they have all the answers... people in general!
If you don't truly want to get involved and try to help someone, then just butt the fuck out! Cuz I don't need the kind of help you think you might offer.
I am going on with this battle the best I can, but I am doing my way.
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