OK, so lets set the depression aside, and the anger. I'm over it. The depression will only live if I allow it to, right? So it's time to stop wishing I'm dead and start working on preventing it!
I start back to work on Saturday. This is huge for me. I need to work, I need to have social interaction, I need to feel useful. All things that I haven't had since moving. Right now it will be very limited hours, but it will increase as I start feeling better. So even if I am only making enough money to buy a couple packs of smokes a week... that's less money going out of our bill money. Eventually I hope I can get back to where I make enough to cover our grocery budget, or continue getting the things to make our new little house a home.
I have dreams, and without my health I will never see those dreams happen. I am going to start focusing on my health again. I know a lot of the things that have been wrong with me have been due to just not caring as well as one health issue getting in the way of fixing another. It's time to just ignore the pain, ignore everything else, and get better.
It is time to get back on my Thrive! I feel better when I'm Thriving, I am happier when I'm Thriving, and I really am healthier when I Thrive.
Maybe nobody cares, maybe people don't need me, but I still need to continue.
Yes, I am still fighting. No, I am not happy. But I am trying, and I am trying to find reasons to be happy rather than just accepting the misery. Depression is real, and it sucks. Suicidal thoughts are real, and it is scary.
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