I absolutely did not want to do a thing today. I didn't want to leave the house, get dressed, nothing. I didn't want to go be around people, go all the way to Tooele. All day I had to build myself up to going. I feel like crap, but I promised my daughter. I don't want to deal with the emotions I face when I go there, but I had things to pick up for friends here. I didn't want my daughter to see the struggle, but I need her to see that I support her. Altho she has distanced herself from me, altho my heart breaks everytime I see her, and I get angry when I think about the reason behind it... I love her more than anything and I will support this type of thing in her life always.
So I went.
I saw the puppies for a few minutes- always a smile when I get to see puppies. Then I went to the party. I have to admit it was really nice to have some girl time with my daughter. Watching her open her box, her new demo kit that means she is officially a Pure Romance consultant, was actually a proud moment for me. And even with everything in my head and in my heart about her life- I can see she is passionate about this, and I want her to be a huge success as much as she does.
So after almost no sleep last night, and my dizzy spells being worse today- I actually blacked out twice, the aches and pains in my body... and those damned thoughts in my head- I grabbed my cane and headed out.
I even stayed longer than I had planned. Like I said, it was nice to have some girl time with my daughter and a couple of her friends. And it was a nice little distraction from myself.
I pray that one day things will be better between us, that she will understand my pain and my concern... I pray it happens before it's too late.
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