realizing health

Since about a week before we moved my health has not been good. I've written off the pain as caused by all the moving and unpacking. Other issues- oh, it's just my fibro or whatever, I'll be ok. but day by day things seem more extreme than what would seem normal, pains that I have never experienced, along with some internal stuff that I can't even really explain. Dizziness, not just dizzy spells, but feeling dizzy for a period of time. Even falling over. muscles that feel as tho they are atrophied, I can't move like I should be able to- not just in pain, but I physically can't! The mental problems- the memory and confusion, what I have always called the 'fog', worse than I can deal with.
So to top it all off, I went for a check up with my neurologist today. Apparently the medication I've taken for the better part of 30 years, can have long term effects. And the doctor had concerns today. I was sent for blood work and will find out more soon. Meanwhile- stress, frustration, and depression.
I know what's wrong with me for the most part... altho I know I need to get actual diagnoses for it all. Thats just it- ALL. I don't just have one health issue, hell, I don't just have 3 or 4! And I hate it! I refuse to be drugged my entire life just to keep me from being bedridden.
I have done a lot of thinking today and a lot of decisions made. I will not fight to exist. I truly don't have any real quality of life. I know I will have good days again, there will be plenty of good days and bad days, but as time goes on I can only see the bad days getting worse, and the good days being less often.
I plan to get the whole living will thing done. Have a DNR in place. And make it known to my loved ones what I want and hopefully have those wishes respected if that situation ever comes up.
The depression is real. It won't get better with all this going on. I am scared, truly scared about my future and what will happen with me, my family, my marriage. I feel like a burden- and apparently this isn't going to change. Honestly feeling today that I would welcome death and be at peace if it happened. I know, there is a part of me that no matter what I will keep fighting, but I dont' want to. I want to give in and just allow all this shit to happen.
I can't work, I can't drive, I can't do half the projects around the house that I have always taken pride in being able to do. I feel worthless and useless. Who wants someone like that around? 
As I feel my body deteriorate, and realize how my mind is deteriorating... it devastates me. And I just don't know how right now, to deal with it all.