2018- new year new me

have you ever had an awakening? a moment in time where you suddenly just change your entire attitude and view of things?

Needless to say I have had one hell of a crappy year! I had given up on so many things- including my own existence. I prayed for death. Nothing mattered to me anymore and I struggled to find anything to be happy or positive about.

But something happened. I cant' even explain it! I was at a place that I didn't want to do Christmas, I wanted to just somehow get past it. Even the day before- I just was in a dark sad place. I left for work on Christmas morning and knew I had to be in the spirit a bit for work- and I did a pretty good job!  I danced and sang to christmas music, wished everyone a merry christmas... and by the time I got home I was in a little better place, but still just wanted it done. But as the day went on, and Christmas happened in our home- something happened to me. A weight was lifted, a light started burning and a darkness began to see sunrise. I found by the end of the day a new desire to BE happy, to enjoy life and the people around me.

So as I enter into 2018, the whole 'new year new me" thing will actually apply to me. I am all about positive energy, happiness, being true to myself and those who share my desire for avoid the negative, those who bring me happiness.

I know that my struggles with depression are far from over, but I will learn to deal with it in a better way. I will vocalize my concerns and things that bother me rather than bottling them up. I will make an effort to express my feelings better, to not stress over things out of my control, and remove negativity!

My health- physical and mental, suffered severely this year... it is time to step back and focus on taking care of myself. I will always help others, but stressing over other lives and trying to help in ways that I am really incapable of doing- has to stop. I want to be healthy and be able to do the things I enjoy in life... my family- all of them, my pets, riding, working, being outside, going on adventures.

Blessings to all for a fabulous 2018! I wish you all good health, family, love, and the things that truly matter!