2 weeks post surgery

Well, i have been home recovering from surgery for 2 weeks now... it sucks! The pain from this surgery was the worst I have ever experienced- worse than after my c-section. The emotional rollercoaster has been hell... on top of the depression I am already dealing with, and other issues eating at my brain, this is truly more than I can take. Every day I wish I was dead! I am truly miserable. I want to go back to work, I want to get out of the house. But I can't walk much more than across the house before getting tired or hurting. Yesterday I was feeling pretty good, but I overdid it and pulled something or strained something that was obviously not healed yet- I hurt today. I have done everything I was told- get up and walk, don't stay in bed all the time, don't lift or bend or do anything that will cause further injury, blah blah blah. I just want to be better! I hate this! Once I can get back to a normal life I can focus on all the other bull shit in my life that I don't like and don't want to deal with. I have my follow up  appt on the 11th, hopefully they will prescribe me hormones to deal with this crap better! Until then, I hide in my room crying, only coming out if I feel like my family wants me around, which honestly- I don't feel very much right now. Yes, it hurts, yes, it's probably just me. But along with all those friends who said they were going to come see me and bring me meals and be there for me and my family while I was down... yeah, no one wants to be around when I need them. Yep- feeling sorry for myself at the moment, deal with it- you chose to read this. Normally I am a positive person who takes on more than I can handle for as many people as I can, even thru the hardest times of my depression I do my best to come across positive. But I'm tired of faking it and don't have the energy to fake it! I am miserable! And I want out!