35 days from now... I will begin the process... the process of never again having to acknowledge the number 169939. The biggest part of my past that has caused me to not do things I want to do in this life... will be gone. Not forgotten, that number and that time of my life had a huge affect on the person I am today, and I am grateful for that. But things like getting a job in the field my degree is in, owning a hand gun, and not caring who wants to do a background check on me! August 25 will mark 7 years since the day I was released from parole. 7 years is the mandatory period of time a person must wait before beginning the process of expungement.
Over the years I have debated doing this. What's the point? It is not something I am ashamed of, I am quite open about the fact I was in prison. I don't know that I will ever go back to work in accounting, so much has changed since I did work in that field- I would be lost! And honestly don't know that I will ever return to work due to my health problems. There is a bit of expense in doing this. But for me, it is worth it. Just some degree of added freedom.
Will it change anything? No, just because there is no paper trail saying I am a felon, it doesn't make the memories go away, it doesn't change the facts of the past.
I have a lot of goals that I have been putting together lately, finally getting my head organized and figuring out what I want and need in my life to help me on the path to being who I want to be.
Yes, this lady is on a dangerous path, I don't know how many people will truly stick by me in my journey to happiness. But it is my life and my happiness that I am trying to salvage. My attitude and my personality are changing, I'm done allowing people to use me or hurt me, my heart is getting cold and the walls are being build up. I don't have time for fake people, users, haters, manipulators, or people who just don't seem to care... if you care about me, prove it. I'm tired of people saying they are there for me, telling me they love me... I'm tired of opening my heart, my home, and my wallet to help people I care about and then getting shit on!
I have always been a very caring and supportive person, and I always just accepted the fact that sometimes people take advantage of that. Why accept that? I went to prison, for hell sake, for opening my heart and trusting someone! And I still do it! Makes me the stupid one, right? Yeah.
So time to start the next chapter of my life... I'm taking control back. I'm living my life for me. Yes, I will still be the caring, supportive friend... that's just who I am, but it's time to be more cautious about who and how I help.
Ok, so this started out with the intent of being a short post about my excitement that I will soon be filing to get my criminal record expunged, and that I will no longer be classified as a felon... and I went off the topic a bit, sorry for that. I do have a lot going on in my head and heart that I am trying to organize and deal with.
More details on that later... For now I will just say that I am on the road to bettering myself, improving my life.
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