Being a Mom

Having a daughter who is 23, but in the mind set of a teen has it's challenges. I have loved being a mom, every bit of it! So many learning experiences, challenges, and heart felt moments.
A couple years ago my daughter got into her first real relationship, it lasted almost 2 years. There were so many firsts- her first feelings of real love, her first sex, first pregnancy scare, first fight... all new learning experiences for this mom! Then the day i never thought would come... the break up. Her first real break up. I was in shock! I thought these two were meant to be together, would end up married! So I was kind of blown away when she came to me and told me she broke it off. And as much as I wanted to support her, I just couldn't understand and I felt so heartbroken for this young man she had crushed! I considered him my son at this point, and now poof- he's moving out and is so in love with my daughter and trying so hard to win her back. What does a mom do? He hadn't done anything wrong, she just wasn't in love anymore and wasn't happy. My daughter deserves the best! She deserves to be happy! At first I thought I could help him win her back, he was asking advice and I was giving it! I thought she could get past this and see what a really awesome guy she was letting go of. Then she opened up to me a bit more... there is no going back, she wants and needs to move on. So this mom, sits back, seeing my daughter happy again and laughing and moving on like nothing ever happened, and I see the ex once in a while- still heart broken and hurting. But I bite my tongue, I can't fix it, it isn't my place to fix it. My daughter is grown up and has to make these choices on her own. And he needs to accept it and be happy for her that she is happy.
So what is next for this mom? Who knows! But whatever it is, I will not be prepared, I know that! But I will deal with it as it comes, like I have everything else over the past 23 years!
I love my daughter, she is my life! And I love being her mom and her friend. I wouldn't give up being a mom for anything ever!

One week...

This is me... a week after making the best decision ever!

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was introduced to a product called Thrive. Yesterday was the end of my first week and it has been the best week I have had in about 5 years! How?

Two weeks ago I was drinking a pot of coffee and 44 oz of mountain dew a day! Today, I drink 2 cups of coffee, and have only had 2 sodas all week!

I have cut my smoking in half.

I have long suffered insomnia~ I still struggle to fall asleep, but when I do, I stay asleep until morning!

I had zero energy or motivation... I wake up refreshed and ready to do something! And I stay that way all day!

I don't sit and snack all day, I'm too happy and busy!

My anxiety has kept me home bound for a long time~ I went to a comedy club with friends, and to the mall... and no panic attacks!

I lost 4 pounds this week!

My chronic pain- manageable. My cane that I use 3 or 4 times a week- has not moved from the corner in a week!

I am 47 years old, and for the past few years I have felt 60. This week, I feel 30 again!

My quality of life is back! My family can see a change in me! I am ready to take on the world again! How could I ever ask for more than that?

I am normally such a skeptic about things like this, but I am so happy I decided to give this one a try!

I have had some type of allergy or sinus problem for the past 3 or 4 months... yesterday, I realized it was gone! I am breathing normal again!

This stuff is truly life changing! And I recommend anyone who has any of these issues, to look into it! 

Come and Gone... No Regrets!

February 20th, I day I normally celebrate and reflect on... This year it passed without even a thought in my mind about what it represents in my life! February 20th 2007 was the day I walked out of prison a free woman! Totally free! I had an entirely new understanding of the meaning of 'free,' I was a changed person with changed values. I had goals and dedication in my heart and soul. I found myself and who I truly was.
It has been 8 years and I still have so much of that 'new me' inside of me, but there is still much I need to do to complete what I feel I am on this earth to accomplish. Sometimes it seems like just a few months ago, and other times it seems a lifetime ago! I really has been a lifetime tho- because it was a different life. I am not the same person I was prior to that day, that experience.
I am a fighter, and I am a survivor! I live my life going after what I want and never giving up! I have passed that on to my daughter~ she is a true fighter and an obvious survivor!

So today, February 24th... the day I said two words that forever changed my life. Today, 12 years ago I said "I Do." I said to someone I never should have said it to! I said those words to a con man, a predator, a liar. A man who forever changed my life, and lives of two very innocent children. A man who put me in that place... I have no regrets, many wonder how I can say that. But really, I would not be the person I am today, my daughter would not be the fighter she is... if not for those two words.

A New Me

Wow, what a difference I am feeling in my self and in my life! I am on day five of this Thrive program, and never expected the kind of results I am having! I never talk much about my chronic pain, it seems to bring others down and I don't want people feeling sorry for me or trying to give me advice on it. But now I can say I have not had any of that pain for four days! I haven't had to use my cane at all! I feel alive and full of energy and it is fabulous! I even seem to have more motivation than my husband. I've practically cut soda out of my diet, and only drinking a couple cups of coffee a day. My smoking is half what it was a week ago! I feel amazing! I hope if any of you who read this have problems with pain or energy or sleep or weight... that you will look into Thrive! I am normally such a skeptic about things like this, but decided to give this one a shot- and I am so happy I did! Oh, and sleep! I am finally sleeping better!
I have so much going on in my head and in my life, and I am excited about all of it! I just can't sit still! I want to get so much done all at once, but I know that is totally not possible. But I do know that I can do it all! A week ago, I would have said no, I don't have the energy or the motivation- but I feel so much better, I feel like a  new person! I actually went to the mall yesterday and had zero anxiety! That is a huge step for me! And went to the comedy club over the weekend to a sold out crowd- with no anxiety! This new me ROCKS!

brain fog

So much going on, it's been hard to focus. Things I have wanted to write about just slip my mind. I am hoping Thrive will help my memory issues I've been having, or maybe I just need to leave myself notes!
In less than 2 months the man who hurt my daughter and changed my life forever will be released from prison. My daughter says she isn't worried, but every day she asks me what day it is that he gets out. This situation is hard for me, the anger and revenge thoughts I get. I am not scared- other than scared of me crossing some legal line and getting myself in trouble! My hope is that I will calm down and be thinking more rationally by then.
We have again been talking about leaving Salt Lake, but are exploring other options besides Payson Arizona. I think my husband would be happier in southern Utah. And as long as it meets my requirements, I am totally ok with that! And yes, southern Utah does meet my requirements. My only concern, as always, is my daughter. I can't imagine moving away from her, and I know she doesn't want to leave here.
I have been working like crazy to get Brandons Ride planned. It is going to be epic this year! I am so excited! We will raise money for the first time in a few years, and will have the best turn out I could ever imagine! Brandon has been gone for ten years~ I want to continue keeping his memory alive!
So much on my mind right now, I can't even focus on one thing... I guess sitting down to blog wasn't such a good idea right now! The weather is amazing, not typical February weather! So I think I will go do some yard work for a while and clear my brain!

Day One... THRIVE!

I got up this morning, took the capsules to start my five day trial of Thrive, had my shake- tastes like cake batter! Then put my patch on. I am dedicated to changing my life, and I think that is a big part of the success. How can a person succeed at anything if they aren't truly dedicated and wanting it? I've only had three cups of coffee today- half what I normally do by this time, 2 smokes- about half what I usually have in the mornings. I so want to feel better!

So here it is- my beginning of the rest of my life! I want to get off my anxiety meds AND be able to do things I haven't done. I want to get off all the added pills my doctors have given me. I want to lose this weight that makes me so depressed. I want to have energy and motivation. I want to sleep better. I know, I am asking a lot, but even if I can change a couple of these things I will be so happy! If Thrive works for me, you can believe I will be telling everyone about it!
I am happy and motivated today- just because I am so excited about this and the possibilities!
Thank you Denise, for introducing me to something that may save my life, my sanity, and my family!

The Future Starts Now

I am currently at my unhealthiest place I have ever been in life... and I am not at all happy about it. I weigh 156.4 pounds, that is about 40 above my preferred weight. I smoke about a half pack a day, I drink a pot of coffee in the mornings before moving on to Mountain Dew... which I usually have a 44 oz mug of each day. I have some chronic illnesses, but I know that even with them, my quality of life could be so much better than it is! I have zero energy, zero motivation, depression quite often. Along with my anxiety, I feel like my life has just gone to hell the past couple years!
Well, no one can fix this but me! And it's time to do that! I want to enjoy life, I want to do the things I used to do! I am 47 years old... 5 years ago I felt 30, today, I feel 60.
My doctor put me on a bunch of supplements to try to help, nothing changed, other than my weight increasing. I have looked into weight loss programs, I have tried to do work out programs to keep my energy up. Nothing works, or seems appealing to me.
Then a friend of mine started posting on her social media about Thrive. How it has completely changed her life. She sleeps better, she has more energy, her attitude is amazing! I followed her posts and asked about it a couple times just out of curiosity, but never serious. Until yesterday. I got her on the phone, she told me some of the amazing stories, then she put her brother in law on with me- he introduced her to this program. Wow! This stuff has changed so many lives in so many ways! I feel like it might be the answer to everything I am dealing with! I know, that sounds a bit over board with the expectations, but I decided it is worth a try! It costs a little, but really... if I can get away from the smoking and the soda by using this product- that pays for it! 
I am really excited to see if this works, if not- at least I tried! I can't change anything if I don't try, right? I will be taking photos of myself along this journey, starting tomorrow before I begin the program.
If any of you are interested in learning more about Thrive, message me, email me, call me!
Stay tuned!