Depression sucks. Pain sucks. But considering everything, I am really staying fairly upbeat! I have kept myself as busy as I can doing things around the house... altho I end up hurting worse by the end of the day and having to take a nap because of the fatigue I always have. But cleaning and hanging pictures and still unpacking here and there... is such a helpful distraction! And of course crocheting!
A dear friend has invited me to go stay with her tomorrow night and spend Wednesday with her~ girl time, me time... away from home, away from the dogs that wake me up all thru the night, away from my sweet husband who I really feel is in need of a break from me. I always miss my family and my pets when I go away, but I really need this time! I need someone I can talk to, trust, who can help me with a few things... and she is that person. I used to have my sister for these things, but she and I have kind of grown apart recently and I don't feel I can turn to her right now. I know that will all change, she and I have gone thru this before... but I love her and we always come back to each other.
Anyway, a day of forgetting what is causing some of this depression, or maybe a day of talking about it- either way I should have some answers or at least feel a little better. A good night sleep, a relaxing bath and some tea... it will be heaven!
I will come home Wednesday to my family with a smile on my face. It is so hard for me to communicate to my friends and family what is truly going on in my head and heart. My daughter understands pretty well, she has been there thru so much, seen the things I have gone thru. Troy does his best to be compassionate and understanding, but so much is too hard for me to explain and I can't expect him to read my mind. Maybe we need to spend more time really talking when I get in these phases. I know he loves me, I know he would take away all the hurt if he could.
My daughter has a scope tomorrow, we are still trying to determine what is going on with her stomach. I really hope this finds something- gives us some kind of answers! It kills me to see her suffering, it is as frustrating for me as it is for her I think... she tries to eat, and after just a couple bites she is having pains- no matter what she eats! I really just hope she feels ok for Thanksgiving, I would hate for her not to be able to enjoy all that wonderful food.
I can't wait for this week to be over! Then I can focus on important things... our insurance and other benefits paperwork, my letter and Kaylas speech to the Board of Pardons for the upcoming parole hearing, and dealing with December. Depression seems to lift a little in December, some fabulous things have happened in December. But it is still not a great month. I just want summer to get here! Or I want my Jennifer to come visit. Maybe then I will feel more complete and this depression will lift for good!
THANXGIVING BLESSINGS TO ALL
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