A lot has gone on in my world since I last posted, but I have been too overwhelmed, tired, and busy to have time to share my feelings. But today I have to talk about something.
I have a friend I've known for over 30 years, he and my husband have known each other since the first day of kindergarten. He is one of the sweetest, kindest men I have ever known- he doesn't have a mean bone in his body, and I think I have seen him mad once. And he has had some struggles in life the past few years. Most recently, learning of a condition that was going to require major surgery.
Last night he called me, 12 hours prior to surgery. Terrified he wouldn't ever talk to me again, believing he would go into the operating room but never come out. It was a heartbreaking talk. He told me his mom would be at the hospital with him, so I said I'd be up after surgery and told him to have his mom call me.
I woke up early today, with a strange energy drawing me in the direction of the hospital- I kept looking to the sky near the hospital... I'm up, I'm worried and scared, why am I even thinking about sitting at home? I arrived at the hospital about 30 minutes after they took him into surgery... his mother was not there. They offered to allow me to sign in as family and get the OR updates, which I did. Surgery lasted 3 hours... his mother never showed up. The surgeon came and talked to me, explained what was done and how he was doing. I was told he would be in a room in CVICU and I could return to see him in about 2 hours, the time they expected he would start waking up.
I came back at 1:30, found my way to his room, spoke to his nurse for a minute then grabbed his hand and started talking to him. His eyes opened a bit, he squeezed my hand, and a tear rolled down his face. His mother was not there.
Due to the anesthesia, the breathing mask, the pain... it was tough to talk much with him. But I stayed at his side, rubbing his arm and holding his hand talking to him and talking to the nurse.
About 2 o'clock a woman walked in the room, asked if I was the nurse! I introduced myself and informed her I was a friend and I had been there all day, thru surgery, that I had spoken with the surgeon and been filled in by the nurse on his current status. I was LIVID. She said it was so nice that a friend would come see him, and she went to sit in the corner, opened her tablet and started reading! Didn't even go to her sons face! I told him his mom was there.
How can she be like that? Her son cried to me in fear last night! If I had known she wasn't going to be there first thing, I would have been at the hospital holding his hand as they put him under! If my kid was having surgery- minor or life threatening- I would be there! And I would be the first voice and the first touch my child had when waking up.
I just don't understand. I was just so heartbroken, and angry. Is this how a parent shows her love? I would expect this from my mother- but we don't even speak to each other. Paul seems to be close to his mom!
All that goes thru my head all day today... he arrived to the hospital- alone. He signed in- alone. He had a pre-op consult- alone. He was put under anesthesia and rolled into an operating room- with no one there. He believed, as all this was happening, that he would never make it out alive, he would never talk to his loved ones again... and he was alone.
People, our friends and family is all we have! Cherish every moment, support them when they need you, be there when they are alone. Don't let your loved ones go thru the biggest trials of their lives... alone.
An after note, Paul made it thru surgery, things went better than expected. He will be in CVICU for a few days depending on his recovery. Hours after surgery he was smiling, had a steady blood pressure and all that, had strength in his hands and feet... he smiled and talked. I will be returning tomorrow, and every day that I am able, until he is better!
My Love
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Thursday, April 28, 2016
8 to 48
So many mind blowing, heart warming, spirit awakening moments and realizations in the past couple days!
40 years ago~ I was 8. I honestly don't remember exactly what I was doing in April at 8 years old. If it was a school night, I was sitting home watching television with my family until my 9 pm bed time. Life was simple, my world was my friends, my dog, and my family. I worried about if I would be late to school or get in an accident on my bike.
30 years ago~ I was 18. I worked full time, saving money because I was about to get married! I quit school and did night school, worked during the day at McDonald's while my soon to be was finishing high school. Life was great! Had my friends, couldn't wait to get away from my mother, had my future set! Me and my high school sweety were going to live happily ever after and drive off into the sunset!
20 years ago~ I was 28. I had a 4 year old daughter, I was separated from my third husband and I was living with an incredible woman- my daughters grandmother. I worked for my dad! I loved my life and my job, and had finally found my calling... I was going to be an accountant! I started thinking about college. working and spending every day with my hero and mentor- my dad.
10 years ago~ I was 38... I remember this week so well. I sat in a prison cell not wanting to do anything, not being social, not wanting to go to either of my 2 jobs I held. I was angry and cold, I had lost so much of who I thought I was, who I tried to be... wow, was I an ugly person! I was looking at back at who I was and what I was that landed me there, and the things I had been thru since ending up in prison. I was truly at the end of any desire to continue my existence... I was scared.
Today~ I am 48 years old! I work a part time job at 7-11, I am married to a guy who I honestly have no idea how he puts up with me sometimes, I have my incredible daughter and her fiance and her best friend living with us to make my life and my family complete. I am thankful for the little things in life and have learned to not sweat the small stuff.
I have been thru some serious life altering experiences and I am grateful for each and every one of those- good, bad, happy, sad, they all made me the person I am today. I have grown, I have learned- sometimes thru trial and error. I have found purpose and joy and most importantly love and peace.I have been given second chances by many, and I have built some incredible relationships that I value and cherish.
I look back over all my years, my decades... so much happened in the between years that led me to those places each decade. So what next?
10 years from now~ I will be 58... I see myself as a grandmother, still happily married to Troy. Probably not working any longer. But I will happy, I will be at peace with who I am and the things I have done. I will be planning the 20th annual Brandon's Ride!
40 years ago~ I was 8. I honestly don't remember exactly what I was doing in April at 8 years old. If it was a school night, I was sitting home watching television with my family until my 9 pm bed time. Life was simple, my world was my friends, my dog, and my family. I worried about if I would be late to school or get in an accident on my bike.
30 years ago~ I was 18. I worked full time, saving money because I was about to get married! I quit school and did night school, worked during the day at McDonald's while my soon to be was finishing high school. Life was great! Had my friends, couldn't wait to get away from my mother, had my future set! Me and my high school sweety were going to live happily ever after and drive off into the sunset!
20 years ago~ I was 28. I had a 4 year old daughter, I was separated from my third husband and I was living with an incredible woman- my daughters grandmother. I worked for my dad! I loved my life and my job, and had finally found my calling... I was going to be an accountant! I started thinking about college. working and spending every day with my hero and mentor- my dad.
10 years ago~ I was 38... I remember this week so well. I sat in a prison cell not wanting to do anything, not being social, not wanting to go to either of my 2 jobs I held. I was angry and cold, I had lost so much of who I thought I was, who I tried to be... wow, was I an ugly person! I was looking at back at who I was and what I was that landed me there, and the things I had been thru since ending up in prison. I was truly at the end of any desire to continue my existence... I was scared.
Today~ I am 48 years old! I work a part time job at 7-11, I am married to a guy who I honestly have no idea how he puts up with me sometimes, I have my incredible daughter and her fiance and her best friend living with us to make my life and my family complete. I am thankful for the little things in life and have learned to not sweat the small stuff.
I have been thru some serious life altering experiences and I am grateful for each and every one of those- good, bad, happy, sad, they all made me the person I am today. I have grown, I have learned- sometimes thru trial and error. I have found purpose and joy and most importantly love and peace.I have been given second chances by many, and I have built some incredible relationships that I value and cherish.
I look back over all my years, my decades... so much happened in the between years that led me to those places each decade. So what next?
10 years from now~ I will be 58... I see myself as a grandmother, still happily married to Troy. Probably not working any longer. But I will happy, I will be at peace with who I am and the things I have done. I will be planning the 20th annual Brandon's Ride!
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Christian or Witch
I think I made a post about this a while back, but it is again eating at me and making me think...
My religious, or spiritual, background... in my teens I started following the pagan/wiccan path. I studied religious groups, I read the bible and other books, back then it seemed to be a bunch of crap honestly! In my late 20s I started questioning things... maybe, just maybe, some of the things that christianity claims- could be true! Or maybe there is scientific explanation for a lot of the 'miracles' the bible talks about. I had a man in my life who gave me totally new perspective on some of that- he was by no means christian, but his beliefs helped me to see an entire new side of it all.
Mid 30s, I was introduced to Jesus... in a way I had never experienced. I made a complete transformation over night... I was a believer! Then after a couple years I decided maybe I was wrong. I battled with that internally... I believed the things I had been feeling and learning, but I was at the same time being drawn back to my pagan beliefs. I chose my familiar happy place~ returning to my 'old ways' of practicing rituals and worshiping the earth.
Over the past year or so, things have been leading me back to Jesus and the god most associate that word with. There have been signs, feelings, unexplainables.
So I realize this. Why can't I be both? I love nature and the earth, I believe in herbs and natural healing, there are a number of things that, as a pagan, can still carry over into a christian life!
I have heard the term Christian Witch hundreds of times! But when I read about it, it is nothing like what I would consider myself... but that is the closest term to what I feel I am, or want to be.
The other day as I was reorganizing my house and putting things back where they once were, I started moving a shelf unit from my bedroom to my office. This shelf has held my altar for years... As I moved the shelf, dusting everything as I prepared to place each piece exactly where it needs to be... I found myself struggling to do any of it. There was a force stopping me! crazy, right? I ended up putting most of those things in a box- my craft box, as I call it. I even threw away a couple items. All that remains of what was once my altar, is a couple items that I just needed to keep in place, but it is no longer an altar. I looked at it when I was done putting the whole shelf together... expecting some type of emptiness, but there wasn't. I was- and am- completely at peace with the decision I made, the change that is taking place. That day I picked up my bible and dusted it off... yes, it was quite dusty! and I opened it, as I always have in the past I open it randomly and begin to read... and as it always has before- it spoke to me exactly what I needed that day to justify, in a way, what I was doing.
I still have doubts, I still question things- because that's what I do! But I know there is more, I believe there is a reason. I will never give up the gifts I have, I will never stop believing and practicing ancient ways, but my heart has moved on, my soul feel happy and my world is feeling more complete than ever as I grow and accept thing.
I DO believe in Christ and I am happy with this... choice, realization, whatever it may be considered at this point.
God Bless~
My religious, or spiritual, background... in my teens I started following the pagan/wiccan path. I studied religious groups, I read the bible and other books, back then it seemed to be a bunch of crap honestly! In my late 20s I started questioning things... maybe, just maybe, some of the things that christianity claims- could be true! Or maybe there is scientific explanation for a lot of the 'miracles' the bible talks about. I had a man in my life who gave me totally new perspective on some of that- he was by no means christian, but his beliefs helped me to see an entire new side of it all.
Mid 30s, I was introduced to Jesus... in a way I had never experienced. I made a complete transformation over night... I was a believer! Then after a couple years I decided maybe I was wrong. I battled with that internally... I believed the things I had been feeling and learning, but I was at the same time being drawn back to my pagan beliefs. I chose my familiar happy place~ returning to my 'old ways' of practicing rituals and worshiping the earth.
Over the past year or so, things have been leading me back to Jesus and the god most associate that word with. There have been signs, feelings, unexplainables.
So I realize this. Why can't I be both? I love nature and the earth, I believe in herbs and natural healing, there are a number of things that, as a pagan, can still carry over into a christian life!
I have heard the term Christian Witch hundreds of times! But when I read about it, it is nothing like what I would consider myself... but that is the closest term to what I feel I am, or want to be.
The other day as I was reorganizing my house and putting things back where they once were, I started moving a shelf unit from my bedroom to my office. This shelf has held my altar for years... As I moved the shelf, dusting everything as I prepared to place each piece exactly where it needs to be... I found myself struggling to do any of it. There was a force stopping me! crazy, right? I ended up putting most of those things in a box- my craft box, as I call it. I even threw away a couple items. All that remains of what was once my altar, is a couple items that I just needed to keep in place, but it is no longer an altar. I looked at it when I was done putting the whole shelf together... expecting some type of emptiness, but there wasn't. I was- and am- completely at peace with the decision I made, the change that is taking place. That day I picked up my bible and dusted it off... yes, it was quite dusty! and I opened it, as I always have in the past I open it randomly and begin to read... and as it always has before- it spoke to me exactly what I needed that day to justify, in a way, what I was doing.
I still have doubts, I still question things- because that's what I do! But I know there is more, I believe there is a reason. I will never give up the gifts I have, I will never stop believing and practicing ancient ways, but my heart has moved on, my soul feel happy and my world is feeling more complete than ever as I grow and accept thing.
I DO believe in Christ and I am happy with this... choice, realization, whatever it may be considered at this point.
God Bless~
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
New Normal~
Life is getting back to normal, things have been unsettled, to say the least! But I am back to work- on my terms, I have my family and home back after the roommate ordeal finally ended. I am feeling better emotionally, mentally, and physically! The tension in the house is gone and I am loving working!
Ride organizing~ for those of you who don't know, I organize an annual motorcycle event in memory of Brandon Thomas, who was killed in Iraq in 2005. We raise money for 2 different veteran non-profit organizations. So I have been busily putting that together for this year, less than a month away and I feel I am so far behind schedule on all of it!
Wedding planning~ altho it is my daughter getting married, and doing most of the planning with her fiance, I still have some sense of responsibility and the 'need to know' factor. The wedding is about 80 days away... and coming at us fast!
My work schedule, altho very limited hours, seems to get in the way of time frames I need to get things dome on both of these! I won't give up the job, tho!
Reorganizing my house as well! Now that I have one less person in the house, I can move my office out of the kitchen and back where it belongs! A couple days of office decorating, and kitchen reorganizing- peace!
A couple things really on my mind today... I was having a fantastic morning, listening to music and cleaning. I glanced up at my curio cabinet, I have a photo of my Michelle on top. I fell apart. I miss her so much! I miss calling her to vent when I am upset, I miss her sending me stupid text messages just to make me smile when she knew I was having a bad day. I miss the times of blasting music and acting like no one was watching! I miss sitting on the deck drinking coffee and laughing at random crap. I watch her daughter on social media- an amazing young woman doing her best to continue her life, expecting a baby and doing the things young married people do. It hurts my heart to see her doing all this without her mom there to help her along. I am living my life, as is her daughter, not dwelling in the past, living in grief, but I do have those days that are just so hard.
Enough of the sad, onto my other thoughts...
I came home from work the other day and my ankles were sore- I had been on my feet for 6 hours- understandable. But when I sat down I didn't complain about it~ I smiled and thanked God for those aches! Sounds nuts, right? 15 months ago I was on a cane, I couldn't stand for 30 minutes, the aches were a constant- the severity changed. I didn't have the energy to be active for an hour, I was afraid to be away from my house... and on this day I was on my feet and very active for 6 hours! Away from home- without family. No cane, no pain pills, no tears. Those achy ankles were a blessing! And every bit of ache or tired that I experience due to this job- I am grateful for!
Yes, I am still thrilled with what life changing effects my Thrive has done for me, and I continue to love things I realize it is doing. New products, some I try- some I don't, but I feel I should at least give them a try once! The latest product they have is a collagen protien- I have big hopes for what it can do to help change my skin and nails. I have skin of a person 15 years older than me, I would like to look as young as I feel!
So I guess my new normal is a life with my home and family stress free and everything in its right place (mostly... I'm far from OCD!), a life without my best friend- altho I believe she is here checking in and making noise! And a life with the kind of aches everyone gets from living a normal day to day life!
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Frustration and Limits
What an emotional roller coaster the past couple days have been! I love that I have been able to return to work, each day I thank God for this! Well, Monday I hit a major bump in this path.
When I was hired I had explained my limitations, including not working alone. These limits have been pushed, pretty much ignored, really. And Monday it happened... I was alone, and had a major seizure. Fear, panic, then defeat. Yes, I was so frustrated and felt so defeated. Maybe I'm not ready to be working. I had one young couple in the store at the time... I was able to get my phone turned on and handed to them before I went down. I could see the fear in their faces, they had no idea what was happening... but all I could see was that I wasn't really alone- someone was with me. They called my daughter, who in turn called my husband. They called 911. My husband showed up, the fire department came. The store was closed until I was able to call for someone to come in... my boss didn't answer her phone. I went home in tears... I felt I had failed. Overwhelmed with frustration, guilt for the gal who came in to cover the rest of my shift, and that stupid frustration!
I spent the entire next day thinking about this job... should I continue? Can I continue? or do I give up? NO! I hate the idea of giving up! I refuse to fail! I tried to contact my boss about my schedule... never did hear back. Really? After what happened at her store, to one of her employees, not only did she not respond to my message, but she didn't bother to call and check on me? Honestly- the most irritating part of this entire thing! I messaged her today, and finally did get a response, but not even sure at this point if I want to continue working for her! I made it clear that I cannot and will not work alone again. She said she has tomorrow covered but still needs me tonight... what part of cannot and will not doesn't she get? I told her if I have to be alone, I will not show up. Surprise~ a couple hours later she had my shift covered. I have yet to be asked how I am doing.
Do I really want to work for someone so focused on business that they don't care about the people? Does she not understand that the people are what make the business possible? I have been told next weeks schedule has not been finished yet because she is trying to make it work for me. This made me happy because I was ready to call her and tell her I can't continue working for her.
This has all been a huge wake up call for me. As I said, I love working again! And I have never allowed my disease to stop me from doing what I want. A lot of 'what ifs' went thru my head about that night, but that's all they were... I am ok, the store is ok.
I really am looking forward to returning to work, as long as my boss understands the severity of the situation, and the seriousness of my limitations.
Monday was the first time I have had a seizure away from home and away from the people who know how to care for me- in a very long time, it is indescribably frightening. Stopping work will not stop the seizures, having someone with me while working will not stop them... but having someone with me at work, someone I can explain things to, teach them what to do- that will help me feel better about being there.
So here's to standing up for my self esteem, for my limitations, and for my determination! I will be back at work in a couple days!
When I was hired I had explained my limitations, including not working alone. These limits have been pushed, pretty much ignored, really. And Monday it happened... I was alone, and had a major seizure. Fear, panic, then defeat. Yes, I was so frustrated and felt so defeated. Maybe I'm not ready to be working. I had one young couple in the store at the time... I was able to get my phone turned on and handed to them before I went down. I could see the fear in their faces, they had no idea what was happening... but all I could see was that I wasn't really alone- someone was with me. They called my daughter, who in turn called my husband. They called 911. My husband showed up, the fire department came. The store was closed until I was able to call for someone to come in... my boss didn't answer her phone. I went home in tears... I felt I had failed. Overwhelmed with frustration, guilt for the gal who came in to cover the rest of my shift, and that stupid frustration!
I spent the entire next day thinking about this job... should I continue? Can I continue? or do I give up? NO! I hate the idea of giving up! I refuse to fail! I tried to contact my boss about my schedule... never did hear back. Really? After what happened at her store, to one of her employees, not only did she not respond to my message, but she didn't bother to call and check on me? Honestly- the most irritating part of this entire thing! I messaged her today, and finally did get a response, but not even sure at this point if I want to continue working for her! I made it clear that I cannot and will not work alone again. She said she has tomorrow covered but still needs me tonight... what part of cannot and will not doesn't she get? I told her if I have to be alone, I will not show up. Surprise~ a couple hours later she had my shift covered. I have yet to be asked how I am doing.
Do I really want to work for someone so focused on business that they don't care about the people? Does she not understand that the people are what make the business possible? I have been told next weeks schedule has not been finished yet because she is trying to make it work for me. This made me happy because I was ready to call her and tell her I can't continue working for her.
This has all been a huge wake up call for me. As I said, I love working again! And I have never allowed my disease to stop me from doing what I want. A lot of 'what ifs' went thru my head about that night, but that's all they were... I am ok, the store is ok.
I really am looking forward to returning to work, as long as my boss understands the severity of the situation, and the seriousness of my limitations.
Monday was the first time I have had a seizure away from home and away from the people who know how to care for me- in a very long time, it is indescribably frightening. Stopping work will not stop the seizures, having someone with me while working will not stop them... but having someone with me at work, someone I can explain things to, teach them what to do- that will help me feel better about being there.
So here's to standing up for my self esteem, for my limitations, and for my determination! I will be back at work in a couple days!
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Bump in the Road
As I mentioned previously, I rejoined the working folk, I got a part time job at 7-11. When I started it was decided I would limit myself to 5 hour shifts to be sure I wouldn't overdo it. Well, the first 2 weeks- I overdid it. I repeatedly talked to my boss about trying to change the hours she was giving me- more than we had originally agreed on. But I'm a worker, I'm a pleaser. I wanted to do what was needed, and I didn't want to disappoint my boss.
Lesson learned! My health is my priority! My body was not ready for what I threw myself into. I refused to give up- I am not a quitter! But I did end up having to call in sick for a 7 hour shift I was scheduled for. My body had gone into shut down mode. I spent the better part of 2 days in bed, on the sofa, just doing nothing at all. Today I feel like myself again and I am anxious to get back to work tomorrow night! It's a short shift, so I'm not concerned. I am really hoping, however, that she realizes now, that when I say I can only do limited hours and shifts- that I mean it. Calling in is not something I like doing, in the past I would go anyway and deal with the suffering and consequences- likely a major seizure while at work! But I cannot let that happen. I have gotten to a point in my life that I am so extremely thankful for the health challenges I have been given and the fight it took to overcome all of that. I still have those issues- but they are controlled and managed- and I am not willing to allow set backs, I don't want to return to the way I was... I am not ready to get old!
So back to work tomorrow, and my second paycheck arrives tomorrow! I will lay down the rules of my limits with my boss, I will work 25 hours a week and be productive and social. I will continue to bring financial help into my home and positive energy into my life! I absolutely love being a part of the working world again and I refuse to give up! This is a dream, this is a goal, this is the next step of the life I want to be living!
So the overworked last week and needing to take a day for myself- that was a small setback, but not really! I lost a lot of my positive attitude for a couple days, but I bounced back- just a minor bump in the road- they happen! I expected them, but I got so excited and maybe a bit over confident. But I got this, I know I do!
Thanx to my husband for all his support and patience thru this. My daughter for stepping up and helping with meals and other things at home while I'm working. My Thrive, for helping me improve my health physically as well as emotionally. My awesome friends for the support and motivation. And my sweet puppies who greet me after work like I've been gone for days! They are just the sweetest- never, since we have had them, have I had a job or anything where I left every day for extended time. I really think they feel I'm leaving them.
To those of you who hate your jobs or wish you didn't have to work... be thankful! One day you may find yourself unable to work, unable to provide for your family... and you won't like that. Dream your dreams and set your goals... and don't ever stop until you have those things!
Lesson learned! My health is my priority! My body was not ready for what I threw myself into. I refused to give up- I am not a quitter! But I did end up having to call in sick for a 7 hour shift I was scheduled for. My body had gone into shut down mode. I spent the better part of 2 days in bed, on the sofa, just doing nothing at all. Today I feel like myself again and I am anxious to get back to work tomorrow night! It's a short shift, so I'm not concerned. I am really hoping, however, that she realizes now, that when I say I can only do limited hours and shifts- that I mean it. Calling in is not something I like doing, in the past I would go anyway and deal with the suffering and consequences- likely a major seizure while at work! But I cannot let that happen. I have gotten to a point in my life that I am so extremely thankful for the health challenges I have been given and the fight it took to overcome all of that. I still have those issues- but they are controlled and managed- and I am not willing to allow set backs, I don't want to return to the way I was... I am not ready to get old!
So back to work tomorrow, and my second paycheck arrives tomorrow! I will lay down the rules of my limits with my boss, I will work 25 hours a week and be productive and social. I will continue to bring financial help into my home and positive energy into my life! I absolutely love being a part of the working world again and I refuse to give up! This is a dream, this is a goal, this is the next step of the life I want to be living!
So the overworked last week and needing to take a day for myself- that was a small setback, but not really! I lost a lot of my positive attitude for a couple days, but I bounced back- just a minor bump in the road- they happen! I expected them, but I got so excited and maybe a bit over confident. But I got this, I know I do!
Thanx to my husband for all his support and patience thru this. My daughter for stepping up and helping with meals and other things at home while I'm working. My Thrive, for helping me improve my health physically as well as emotionally. My awesome friends for the support and motivation. And my sweet puppies who greet me after work like I've been gone for days! They are just the sweetest- never, since we have had them, have I had a job or anything where I left every day for extended time. I really think they feel I'm leaving them.
To those of you who hate your jobs or wish you didn't have to work... be thankful! One day you may find yourself unable to work, unable to provide for your family... and you won't like that. Dream your dreams and set your goals... and don't ever stop until you have those things!
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Changes
Life is about constant change. Some good, some bad, some- just change.
A little over a year ago I thought my life was done changing, how much more negative change could a person take? I was done. Then change did happen~ I started my Thrive experience and everything began to change!
So now here we are a year later and so much change has taken place, and even more is happening!
I started a job last week! That is a huge change- that brings with it even more change. I am getting out of the house more, I'm meeting people and talking to people, I'm being a productive member of society again and feel I have some purpose again! I will be bringing in an income to my household! I'm more active... just so much positive with this.
But with every change, there is negative as well as positive... everything has to have balance, right? if everything in life was positive- we wouldn't appreciate the good, we wouldn't understand the ups and downs.
I'm more tired, I am starting to get a few aches again- but I believe as soon as I am used to working again, these things will fade away. I am not home to care for the family like I have been- not able to cook dinner every night, laundry gets backed up, I forget to get my husbands morning Thrive put together for him to grab as he walks out the door. The dogs miss me, my kids aren't used to me not being here- not that they need me to be here, but they aren't used to me not always being here.
It is taking a toll, but only because it has been such a long time since I've been out of the house. I know I will miss numerous events with my riding family and friends, I won't be as available to customers and my team needing my help with Thrive- but I will always find the time! That is something I am passionate about- it is the reason I am where I am today and able to have this change!
I am still struggling with the loss of Chelle, it is hard to pick up my phone and start to send her a text... then realize she will never see it... and I will never get a response.
And sadly things are not working out with my other Michelle living with us and she will be moving soon. More change, altho it will be best for all of us, it is still more change- that honestly, I am not looking forward to. But- everything happens for a reason. The good, the bad, all of it. And all of us come out better people in the end.
Change is good, even what seems negative- will eventually turn into a positive. Accept change! Embrace it!
A little over a year ago I thought my life was done changing, how much more negative change could a person take? I was done. Then change did happen~ I started my Thrive experience and everything began to change!
So now here we are a year later and so much change has taken place, and even more is happening!
I started a job last week! That is a huge change- that brings with it even more change. I am getting out of the house more, I'm meeting people and talking to people, I'm being a productive member of society again and feel I have some purpose again! I will be bringing in an income to my household! I'm more active... just so much positive with this.
But with every change, there is negative as well as positive... everything has to have balance, right? if everything in life was positive- we wouldn't appreciate the good, we wouldn't understand the ups and downs.
I'm more tired, I am starting to get a few aches again- but I believe as soon as I am used to working again, these things will fade away. I am not home to care for the family like I have been- not able to cook dinner every night, laundry gets backed up, I forget to get my husbands morning Thrive put together for him to grab as he walks out the door. The dogs miss me, my kids aren't used to me not being here- not that they need me to be here, but they aren't used to me not always being here.
It is taking a toll, but only because it has been such a long time since I've been out of the house. I know I will miss numerous events with my riding family and friends, I won't be as available to customers and my team needing my help with Thrive- but I will always find the time! That is something I am passionate about- it is the reason I am where I am today and able to have this change!
I am still struggling with the loss of Chelle, it is hard to pick up my phone and start to send her a text... then realize she will never see it... and I will never get a response.
And sadly things are not working out with my other Michelle living with us and she will be moving soon. More change, altho it will be best for all of us, it is still more change- that honestly, I am not looking forward to. But- everything happens for a reason. The good, the bad, all of it. And all of us come out better people in the end.
Change is good, even what seems negative- will eventually turn into a positive. Accept change! Embrace it!
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