My Love

My Love

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Christian or Witch

I think I made a post about this a while back, but it is again eating at me and making me think...
My religious, or spiritual, background... in my teens I started following the pagan/wiccan path. I studied religious groups, I read the bible and other books, back then it seemed to be a bunch of crap honestly! In my late 20s I started questioning things... maybe, just maybe, some of the things that christianity claims- could be true! Or maybe there is scientific explanation for a lot of the 'miracles' the bible talks about. I had a man in my life who gave me totally new perspective on some of that- he was by no means christian, but his beliefs helped me to see an entire new side of it all.
Mid 30s, I was introduced to Jesus... in a way I had never experienced. I made a complete transformation over night... I was a believer! Then after a couple years I decided maybe I was wrong. I battled with that internally... I believed the things I had been feeling and learning, but I was at the same time being drawn back to my pagan beliefs. I chose my familiar happy place~ returning to my 'old ways' of practicing rituals and worshiping the earth.
Over the past year or so, things have been leading me back to Jesus and the god most associate that word with. There have been signs, feelings, unexplainables. 
So I realize this. Why can't I be both? I love nature and the earth, I believe in herbs and natural healing, there are a number of things that, as a pagan, can still carry over into a christian life! 
I have heard the term Christian Witch hundreds of times! But when I read about it, it is nothing like what I would consider myself... but that is the closest term to what I feel I am, or want to be.
The other day as I was reorganizing my house and putting things back where they once were, I started moving a shelf unit from my bedroom to my office. This shelf has held my altar for years... As I moved the shelf, dusting everything as I prepared to place each piece exactly where it needs to be... I found myself struggling to do any of it. There was a force stopping me! crazy, right? I ended up putting most of those things in a box- my craft box, as I call it. I even threw away a couple items. All that remains of what was once my altar, is a couple items that I just needed to keep in place, but it is no longer an altar. I looked at it when I was done putting the whole shelf together... expecting some type of emptiness, but there wasn't. I was- and am- completely at peace with the decision I made, the change that is taking place. That day I picked up my bible and dusted it off... yes, it was quite dusty! and I opened it, as I always have in the past I open it randomly and begin to read... and as it always has before- it spoke to me exactly what I needed that day to justify, in a way, what I was doing.
I still have doubts, I still question things- because that's what I do! But I know there is more, I believe there is a reason. I will never give up the gifts I have, I will never stop believing and practicing ancient ways, but my heart has moved on, my soul feel happy and my world is feeling more complete than ever as I grow and accept thing.
I DO believe in Christ and I am happy with this... choice, realization, whatever it may be considered at this point.
God Bless~

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