suicide

The past 2 nights I have spent talking to 2 different very unhappy friends who are ready to end their lives. I did my best to talk them out of it... and honestly have no idea where either of them are at right now- neither have responded to any calls or messages, neither have been on social media. I am scared. They reached out to me, well, one did, the other I reached out to help. But I tried to help!
In my very messed up emotional state currently, and my own thoughts of death, I still want to help others. And it has helped me a little to realize that my own thoughts are foolish, selfish, and just wrong!
I hate depression, I hate addiction- which is a huge contributor to depression and suicidal thoughts (no, I do not suffer any addictions). I wish everyone was strong, and I wish I was as strong as I appear to others. I want everyone to find the joy in the little things and overcome the big things. But I can't expect others to just put it past them when I can't even do that.
I am praying that my 2 friends are alive and doing better today. I already feel guilty that I couldn't do more. And the idea that I might be the last person they spoke to tears me up.

Happy and safe holiday wishes to all.