What it takes

As I admitted in an earlier post this week, I was suicidal ten days ago, nonstop crying, wondering if I could get thru everything that was weighing on me... I kept telling myself "just a couple more days." Well, I made it those couple days and got to where I felt safe and where I could relax and de-stress.
Tomorrow I go home. The past 7 days was just what was needed! No work or calls from work. None of the stresses of my marriage or my finances, I was able to put aside the things that have been killing my mind and my heart and just ... do nothing! I watched tv, I walked, I went to lunch with an old friend, I ate, I slept, I bathed in a jetted tub... I just relaxed. I reset. My only responsibilities were to take care of the dog and bring in the mail. Plenty of time for just me! No phone calls, only a couple text messages, I really did just shut myself out. I had time to think and plan, understand a couple things and accept some things.
I did realize something this week... don't ever allow yourself to get to that point. Reach out to someone- anyone! The day you fear yourself and what you could do to yourself, is the day to pick up the phone and call someone, tell someone what you are going thru, let it out... let someone in.
Tomorrow I will go home. I will be returning to some of the things that bring me down, but I will also be returning to things that lift me up. I will focus on the positive, I will look to the future and not dwell on the present. I will take things one day at a time and leave the past behind me.
We all need to run away once in a while. I am thankful for this family for trusting me and opening their home to me. I truly believe I would not be here to be writing this if I had not gotten away from my reality when I did.