So after a lot of tears and headaches, a lot of meditating and talking with a couple close friends, more tears, a hell of a lot of thinking... my future, my health, my family... I have made a couple very difficult decisions, and there are still more to make, as there always will be.
First off- as some of you have figured out, my marriage has been not exactly paradise recently and talks of divorce have been had. Altho things are not really back on track, yet, there will not be a divorce. I battled myself- probably more than I should have on this. But in the end I believe by putting off what I thought to be the inevitable- gave me the opportunity to more clearly think of what was ultimately best and what would- in the end- make me have no regrets.
Second- I have talked about how much I love my job and how thrilled I am to be working again. And it's true! But in recent weeks, my physical health has begun to decline again, the pain I used to experience from too much activity- it comes back... every day I work. I don't have the energy I did a few months ago- altho I am still WAY better off than I was 2 years ago! No one I work with enjoys their job, nor do they have any respect for their boss or coworkers, they are always so negative- I honestly do not enjoy going to work most days because I know it won't be fun and positive. I work hard, I put in extra effort, I always help out when a shift needs covered, I do whatever I can to make the job of my coworkers easier... and I get no thank you, I get no mutual respect. I make the same hourly rate as the guy who does nothing but stand behind the counter texting between customers. When I started working, it was intended to be added income to help us out, but because of the shifts I work- we spend more in eating out and pizza than I make! I am frustrated by so much at work, but my health is the most important issue... my mental and emotional well being. I need to take care of me before I end up back where I was- and regret the choice to start working. So choice number 2- I will be leaving my job... soon. How soon has yet to be determined, but I won't be there a month from now. I do hope to just take a couple weeks to get back on track with my health and find a job with a more steady schedule. I have tried discussing a couple of my issues with my boss- she doesn't listen, so this is my choice.
I have other decisions to make, but they are more long term and I need to give some things a little time... I can't jump! Scared about choices made and choices postponed, but what ifs and regrets are so much worse!
It is time for me to get back to putting me at the top of my priority list. I need to get healthy- physically~mentally~emotionally. I have a lot of healing to do right now, the past couple months have worn me down beyond what anyone can imagine. This week has put me beyond my breaking point, I was done, ready to absolutely give up... that is why I had to stop and finalize some things in my head. I refuse to give up- I've come too far to give it all up now. No matter how hard it is to adult and make decisions... it is part of life.
Never give up~ have no regrets~ live and love!
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