Attitude

As I watch everything going on in the world, I sit back and realize I have more important things to focus my energy on. Whether it is a Starbucks cup or a terrorist attack in France... I personally cant change it, and honestly, my problems are bigger to me than these kind of things.
I sit here watching my life as I've known it, fall apart a little bit more every day. I keep the best possible attitude I can, but behind the screen of my tablet- I am filled with sadness and fear. My positive attitude processes ideas and things I want to do to change this, but there are real things stopping me. But I know once I get past these road blocks- there will be no stopping me! I have goals, I have dreams... nothing and no one will stop that!
I believe in myself not because I matter, but because of my why... My daughter is my life. Everything I do, is with her in mind. People are selfish, but when you become a mother, and have to fight for that child to have what she needs- not what she wants, you learn what sacrifice really is. Not everyone in my life gets this. Yes, I will do whatever I have to do, to be sure my kids have a roof over their heads, and food on their plates. If a person can't or won't put their kids needs ahead of their own, they have no business being a parent.
As I have mentioned, this is a miserable depressing month for me, but I am  staying positive that I can find some good. I'm playing a waiting game with doctors and facing life changing surgery... my attitude is what is getting me thru these things. I have so much I want and need to do- for myself, for my daughter... but I can't do a  thing until after the waiting, after the surgery. But the outlook for my future is amazing! I am maintaining an incredible attitude because of that.
Tears every day- yes. wanting to run away from home- yes. wishing things were different- yes!
I feel so alone.