Spirituality

I am so overwhelmed with all that has been going on recently! But my life is amazing! I have a lot of things on my mind, and think they are best posted in different blog posts rather than lumping them all together, so here is my #1 post for today...
Spirituality. Let me give some background on myself in this topic. My mother was raised Lutheran, my dad, Baptist. Neither were church goers by the time I came along. When we came to Utah my parents decided my sister and I needed to attend church, so they would drop us off every Sunday at some church- I honestly don't even know what it was. But after a couple months my sister and I decided we had no interest in this whatsoever, and why were we sitting in church while our parents were home drinking gin and tonics watching golf? So we told our parents how we felt, and they stopped making us go to church. I had a number of bad experiences my first few years in Utah- being non LDS in a predominantly LDS state was hard!
As I got into my early teens, I decided to do some research on various religions, I started going to church, I attended some Catholic services, Baptist, Lutheran, LDS, I even did some reading on the Muslim and Buddhist faiths. I had no idea if I believed in God, I didn't even understand the concept really until then. Then I discovered Wicca. Wow! This made sense to me! I was totally intrigued by what I was learning and reading. This became the spiritual path I followed for a very long time.
There was always a little bit of wonder in the back of my mind about the 'God' concept, but that's all it was... a concept! No one has ever seen him, we have a book written centuries ago telling of what he is capable of. And the first time I read the Bible... I realized that everything in it~ the 'miracles', could be explained by something else.
Flash forward to 2006. I was in prison. How many people claim to 'find Jesus' when they are locked up? Well, I really had no intent on doing that! But someone got me to go to church one Sunday. And the craziest thing happened! I felt something, something happened to me! I never really could explain it, other than a spirit touching me, entering my being, opening my heart. Now, as a witch- I have always believed there are spirits among us, but this was just different. So for almost a year I continued going to church, read the bible again, studied it... and believed in the things it was showing me! When I left that place I was a different person... in a number of ways, but I walked out of there a Christian. Crazy! I was almost 40 years old and just then deciding everything I ever believed before about God and Jesus, was wrong. I still kept so many ideals in my head about the pagan lifestyle, that is truly something that never leaves you. But after some time back in the real world, I started to question everything again, and eventually turned back to my Wiccan ways, probably more than ever before.
Today, 2015, I find myself confused again. Wondering. I believe in my lifestyle and the amazing things I can do with majik. But what about God? I can still do my majik- I believe in that, but I am catching myself more and more wondering about this concept of a god. I still think a lot of what I read in the bible is crap, that will never change, but what if? I have seen what is called a Christian Witch... is that me?
I am truly at a crossroads, and with everything going on in my life right now, all the amazing changes taking place... is it just the way things are? Or is there a higher power involved?