Last Friday I had the honor of standing with my PGR family to honor a police officer who died in a car accident... Each time I attend a funeral I am reminded how precious life is, how quickly our time can be cut short. He left behind 4 children and a wife.
It breaks my heart every time I see these families, and makes me hug my loved ones a little tighter when I get home! When PGR is present at these, we give each surviving child a Love Bear. Each bear is passed to all the members for hugs and love to pass along to the child... something to help comfort the kids in this terrible time they are going thru.
This picture truly says it all for me. One of our members presented a love bear to the Officer Steadman's daughter, and tears on both sides start flowing.
I left this service on a high, it had been so long since I have been healthy enough to attend an event, to stand with my PGR family, it felt amazing to be out there again. And it felt wonderful to just feel good for a change!
Rewind a couple hours~ A friend who had just signed up as a PGR member came to pick me up, Troy had to work and I really wanted to be there for this. She was constantly apologizing for her car, and I just laughed... it is a 1980 something Crown Vic. Really beat up and a tank! I could care less what she was driving! It's a car, it gets her where she needs to be, right? So after the funeral, we got back in her car and started heading back toward my house... still hearing about her car being a dump. As we are driving and talking, she cuts me off and says "Oh my God, I just saw an..." BAM! We get slammed into! We sat there for a minute, am I ok? Is she ok? yeah, maybe we should get to the other side of the road and pull over. We had been stopped because of the traffic ahead of us and the light just changed, in the far left lane because we were turning at the light. What she started to say and didn't finish was that she saw an accident behind us...
We got pulled over, I stay in the car as I am beginning to seize, the gal who hit us gets on her phone- hopefully calling police, then the girl who hit her knocking her into us ,seemingly high on meth or something, comes to the car, makes a comment that everyone looks ok and neither car has much damage other than hers (a car she just bought from a used car lot- still with the car lot info and the temp plate), and asks if we can just exchange info and go. Did she not notice the lady in the car having seizures? She tells us she is going to be late to her probation appointment if she doesn't leave right now! Really? And you want us to ignore that my friend is having terrible shooting pains in her back and neck and I am seizing? Screw your probation officer! A couple of our friends on their bikes saw us and stopped to make sure things were ok. I think that intimidated the girl a bit. I love my biker family! I called my husband and he arrived just as the police got there. The gal who called the police seemed to be fine but quite annoyed as were the rest of us.
All I could think was thank goodness for that tank of a car she kept apologizing for! I can't imagine what injuries we would have had if we had been in a newer car! Then when I was home, all that "life could end at the drop of a hat" stuff came flowing back! What if that accident had been worse? I could have ended up in the hospital, or dead! All weekend I was just so thankful to be alive, for the life I have. I might be sick but I am alive! And that is how I have looked at things all week! Yeah, my life isn't perfect, I have problems... but I am alive and the world is a beautiful place! Live life to its fullest every day, tell your loved ones how much they mean to you! Take time to spend with your family and friends. One thing that really got me... my friendship with one of the most important people in my life is a bit strained right now, I can't die without fixing that! I love her and she needs to know how important she is to me. Advice to everyone, if you have any relationships like that- fix them! Time is not unlimited. Don't go to bed angry, what if your spouse doesn't make it home from work the next day? Could you live with yourself knowing your last words were not loving?
Anyway, I have been focusing on the positive, altho my health seems to be deteriorating faster as time goes by. So today was my doctor appointment...
After not getting answers to any of my questions, being told I am going to have tests on things I really don't need them for, and having some of my concerns totally ignored- I walked out of her office in tears, before having my blood drawn... and I do not plan to return to that doctor again! Today was so upsetting, emotionally draining. I was angry and frustrated and just wanted to scream!
But I have an amazing friend who I think was brought into my life to help me get thru the tough times. We chatted for a bit and she offered to help me find a good doctor, and even go with me to appointments to be sure I get the answers I need and deserve. She understands medical stuff and has been thru enough that she won't back down until she gets results. She has been an incredible help to me in so many ways, and I don't think I could ever repay her. She was able to calm me down and get me back on a calm level today.
I think I may have figured out what I have that is attacking my health. I looked into it a bit a while back but really just disregarded it. But I have done more reading and I believe what I might have is called Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, aka ME/CF. I am actually excited to have found something that sounds so spot on to what I am experiencing. I am hopeful to finally get a doctor to look into this and give me some kind of diagnosis!
That's all for tonight, it is really late, and I need to rest up. I have other things flying thru my head that I want to write about, so you will probably hear more from me tomorrow.
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