Lost Friend... lost love

one day a long time ago I met a gal on social media. We became such good friends! Then it became more... quickly. She was married, but, like me, bisexual. We began a relationship. I got involved with someone who didn't really understand that, so I backed off to focus on this man. We remained best friends thru it all. our relationship- complicated is the best way I can describe it. Best friends both with buried feelings of love for each other. for a while I was her boss, then not, we had periods of time where we didn't talk... both of us were so stubborn, and got easily hurt because of how we felt.
Then one day day I got a phone call... did you hear about Chelle?
My best friend, the love of my life- had breast cancer.
From that moment forward I was back in her life supporting her, being there, treasuring the moments and the laughs.
She beat the cancer after surgery and treatment and destroying her body. But a while later she went to the doctor for something bothering her... it was back. Bone cancer.
This was hell. She broke bones, she hurt always- but she fought, and she didn't let any of us see her pain.
A couple surgeries in, I remember being at the hospital visiting her after a hip surgery... the oncologist came to see her. He said things that made it obvious to me she had been lying and keeping things from me about how she was truly doing. I had to cut that visit short, I barley got out of her room before I was in full tears.
I was going to lose her.
Her daughter moved their wedding up, that was the first hint to me that things were worse than I was led to believe. I knew, I just didn't want to accept it.
Not long after the wedding she fell and broke something. she was in the hospital for quite a while, then was released to a rehab center. then she went to stay with her mom rather than going home- she needed 24 hour care. I didn't see her after that. We talked a few times, but I couldn't bring myself to see her. I didn't want that image in my head. Yes, I was being selfish, but I was hurting and didnt know how to deal with any of this.
I got a call one day that she had been taken to the hospital, she had pneumonia. I knew what that meant, people with cancer can't fight illnesses like that. Then I was told they were asking that we do not come visit... I felt my heart just sink. I was told here and there that she was doing ok, just really needs to rest and recover.
Then one night I got a text... we as a family have made the decision to remove the life support.
WTF? She was on life support? And no one told me? No one gave me a chance to come say goodbye? I fell apart that night. I laid in a parking lot screaming, I shot whiskey, I cried until my eyes were dry, I stared into darkness until the sun came up... I lost her that night- for real.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. I would give anything for just one more day.
I loved my Michelle, she was in so many ways my soumate, not just my best friend. I lost her in this world, but I know she is here with me at times, she is also watching over her granddaughter who never had a chance to meet her. Chelle had just learned she was going to be a grandma a couple weeks before she passed.

Michelle