Anxiety... it is real

I grew up being taught that if you couldn't see an illness, it didn't exist. Depression, anxiety, eating disorders... those are all just people making excuses! So as I got older, that was, for the most part, my mind set... but I slowly began to see the truth.
Then, I realized- I had been living some of these "excuses" but hiding them from my family, because they said it wasn't real.
Years went by, I went thru various levels of depression, but always managed it, often in denial that I suffered from it- again, because I was always told it wasn't real. Various degrees of anxiety as well, but never understood what that feeling I was experiencing was! Why did I start having trouble breathing, freeze up, become unable to talk, have fear when it didn't make sense to have that feeling? It took me years to realize that was anxiety, panic attacks. Eventually my anxiety got to a debilitating point. I couldn't drive without anxiety, I couldn't go anywhere alone, not even for a walk. Then it got so bad that I stopped doing the things I loved, the things that made me happy. I was put on medication, it helped a little, but I was still a wreck!
After a few years, the last two were the absolute worst, I started the Thrive experience, and, to make a long story of that short, I was able to cut my anxiety meds out of my medication schedule. I feel great! Panic attacks have, for the most part, stopped! I started going for walks by myself, I am back to doing the things I love, the things that make me happy!
I still have the occasional panic attack... and people tell me it's no big deal, get over it, everything is fine. Really? I wish it worked like that!
When I do have these attacks, most of the time it is caused by something I see or hear... something "real." Like when I saw my ex-husband at the grocery store, or when I hear a song that triggers a memory.
Then out of nowhere on Sunday I have the worst anxiety attack I can remember. No explanation I can come up with! I was having an amazing morning with friends and motorcycles. As we left the starting point, I was ok, then going up the canyon I started to get an uneasy feeling. What was going on? Why was this happening? We turned... I went into full panic mode- crying, hyperventilating, shaking but frozen. It wouldn't stop. I could catch my breath for a couple minutes, then fall apart again... Then it all made sense.
In my head I knew where we were going, but I wasn't thinking about the destination, I was thinking about the ride, the friends, the scenery! My subconscious did this to me, I literally had zero control of this incident.
Once I had it figured out, and got beyond the really hard moments- with the support of a couple friends, I was angry! Angry with myself. How stupid is that to allow some stupid miserable idea take control of me like that? But I realized finally, how real anxiety truly is, and that no matter what I put in my head to feel better about a situation- my mind works alone!
Anxiety is more real to me today than it ever has been before. I recognize the how and the why, I see- and feel- the what. For those of you who suffer this, or any other unseen condition... don't let anyone tell you it isn't real. Explain to those who care about you how they can help you and be supportive. If I had been told when I was young, when I first experienced some of these thing- what it was, and that I could get help... my life would have turned out so much different, I do believe that.
Parents, don't ignore your kids cries for help, teach them it is ok to feel and fear.
Anxiety is real.