Life just seems to be getting better! The little things aren't bothering me so much any more. I have my life back... almost. I really want to get a part time job~ staying home truly drives me crazy, and we could really use a little extra income.
My biggest thing lately, and it seems like a common thing, is that I can't help everyone! I normally take pride in the fact that I am always there for my friends when they need me, and even for strangers if there is something I can do- I will. This past couple weeks I have been so caught up in my own busy life that I wasn't there for a couple very good friends who really needed strength and support... and I felt terrible! I also have some friends struggling with health issues, things I can totally relate to! And I KNOW I can help them... if they would trust me and let me. Sometimes I feel I have failed those I care about. I know I can't save the world, and I can't make everyone happy all the time. And I get super frustrated when I take the time and effort to help someone and check on them and then get shoved aside like I don't matter. If I knew people would be like that, I could save my energies for the people who truly do matter in my life!
I have less than a week until Brandon's Ride, and there is so much last minute stuff to do! I hope I remember everything! Steve has been such a huge help with everything, I honestly could not have done this without him! Feels like I have been going non-stop for four months on this... next week I can finally relax! Not sure I will even know what to do with my time!
A lot of changes are taking place, and I'm feeling a bit lost as to where I belong and what my purpose is now. On the outside I know I appear to be healthy and happy and living my dream. Well, I am healthy and happy... healthier and happier than I have been in years! But with all that comes a lot of change. Along with other changes in my home, I am really overwhelmed with emotions. I need to sit down and take a bit of a self inventory... what I am, what I need and want, and where everyone else in the family truly fits in. I love my family, I'm not saying I want them gone! I just need to figure out the dynamics of the relationships in the house. there really is so much change going on with all of us, that I am confused and needing some balance.
I've had my parents on my mind a lot recently... maybe because mothers day is coming up, I really don't know. I've decided I am going to write each of my parents a letter, not a private letter- but something I will publish here on my blog. No, I have no desire or plans to reconnect with my mother, that relationship has always been toxic, for as long as I can remember, and I know, after trying time and time again, there is no possible way to mend it. She and I are best off to stay away from one another. I refuse to put myself or my family back into that situation. My father, on the other hand, is missed terribly! I wish he would contact me, but I have no idea what he has been told by my mother as to why I don't come around. Maybe she lied to him, maybe she exaggerated things, or maybe he is just as glad to be rid of me as she is. I know I am not the daughter he wanted me to be, but I still love him. I can't say that about my mother.
I know this post is so totally random and has no real point, I just needed to get somethings out of my head! I finally got my tablet back and am able to sit down and write. So yeah, this was pretty much just a vent post... because I had the time.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer- I know, it isn't summer yet, but it feels like it! Be safe, watch out for motorcycles, and have an incredible day!
And of course THRIVE ON! If any of you are interested in learning about the amazing products that have changed my health and my life so dramatically, contact me or check out my web site redmccann.le-vel.com
Love and light and god bless!