Memories

A lot of memories have come up today, much of my past. In conversations with my best friend about some things- other things popped into my head... things I don't like to remember, things I had forgotten, things that made me smile and things that made me wonder what if.
As I have always said- I have no regrets, every choice i ever made in life brought me to where I am today and where I am meant to be. People always talk about their past and say 'that was so stupid of me,' or 'I wish I had done different.'  No! All those what ifs... mean nothing. If I had not married my abusive husband- I never would have divorced him... which is what led me to some of the people who have become long time friends. If I hadn't accepted that one job that everyone told me not to take- I never would have met my daughters father- and she wouldn't exist! So how can a person say it was stupid or you should have lived differently? I quit college- who knows where I would be if I had continued! Probably financially better off, but stuck living in the city with some boring husband and a 'typical' life. That is so not me!
I have had so many experiences in my life it really is hard to remember everything. Drug use and alcohol abuse during depression probably had a huge effect on why I struggle to remember a lot! But even that- it's part of who I am today.
People always tell me they don't me, they won't judge my past... I still hesitate. I see those same people putting others down for a lifestyle or a choice that I once had... would they still not judge me if they know? My life and my story are an open book to anyone who asks, I have very few I trust to truly open up to, people who have proven they won't just who I was, what I've done, and really don't care why.
I've done a lot of things that most wouldn't understand- not only my why, but even what! All I can say is I lived! I am not sitting here asking myself 'I wonder what that would be like?' Because every time I have asked that- I do it!
I do, however, tend to overthink things, and think about those things from the past... not ask what if or say I shouldn't have... but I analyze myself and ask WHY. Does it even matter at this point? Not really. Something for me to work on.
I really don't know where I am going with this, but I do have one bit of advice to anyone reading... NEVER pass up an opportunity to tell someone how you feel. You could miss your happily ever after. Communication is not only key to a successful marriage or working relationship- it is key to a positive, successful life!