Christmas 2016~ A First Christmas

How do I even explain what this Christmas was like?

I have not celebrated this holiday since 2004, this was like my first Christmas!

I made a decision that I was going to change my attitude for the benefit of my family and myself. I went shopping for holiday decor~ Ambri said I was like a kid in a candy store! We put up a tree and decorated it, we put lights and decorations around the house, not a lot- limited budget, but it was still awesome. I was excited! I have let down my daughter for years by not doing this- she deserves better, she deserves happy memories!

This year I have a house full- and they have brought so many smiles and so much love to our home... how could I not give it back?

We were very concerned about getting gifts, money has been very tight since the family moved here- for all of us, but we did what we could. Then someone reached out to me, someone who heard about our family. A couple nights before Christmas they showed up at my door with boxes and bags of gifts and food. Gifts for each of the kids- enough to fill under the tree. Food for Christmas dinner and other basic grocery and household needs. I was so overwhelmed, a crying speechless mess! They went way beyond anything I could have asked or dreamed. This is the spirit of the season, helping others. Yes, we would have managed. These kids have all had rough Christmases with little under the tree, we would have managed a decent dinner... But we had a great dinner! And the kids got many gifts, things they wanted and needed.

The smiles on everyones faces are all I wanted, my goal for Christmas was to have a house full of happy people, smiles, giggles... it was perfect! And we even got a white Christmas! Woke up to a foot of snow outside!

The last time I celebrated Christmas I had both my girls with me...

This year I had my oldest and her husband and our extended family... and I was able to get a gift for my youngest... for the first time since 2004. I didn't give it to her in person, but she did get it.

I am already making plans for next year! This was so much more than just Christmas for me. It was a new beginning.

I hope every year is as amazing as this was, I want others to experience the true spirit of the season... I want to pay it forward and help others as we were helped this year.

I will never NOT celebrate Christmas again!

The governor and porn

So today it was announced that our governor wants to set aside $50k to give a non-profit organization to help in the efforts to block porn from Utah children... This non-profit holds conferences and educates people on how to protect your kids from porn.
I normally don't have a lot to say when it comes to political stuff and the decisions of our leaders. But this I do! And I feel I am totally justified in having a say! 1~ I worked in the porn industry. 2~ I was married to a man with a terrible (and dangerous) addiction to porn. 3~ I went to prison for hell sake! For not keeping porn 'properly' away from my children.
Porn is like beer- if kids want it, they will get it. Look at the internet! Kids have cell phones and their own computers... not that hard for them to access the crap! And if parents want to keep it away from their kids- it's pretty much common sense, right? Just like drugs and drinking- open communications, be active in their lives, blah blah blah! Utah has a bad habit of pretending things don't exist... if we don't tell our kids, they will never know. Good hell! Don't tell your kids porn is evil and will cause you to become a rapist, don't tell them it isn't real, either... guess what- some people enjoy watching porn with their spouse! Some people look at porn as an alternate to going ut and hurting someone. I have talked to many people about porn... I lived it, I needed to understand what and why. It isn't just kids watching it! There are couples, there are women wanting ideas to add spark to their failing marriage, there are lonely old men... And the people making porn? is that even an issue? I'll tell you who makes porn... women- and men- who want to be able to pay the bills without having to live paycheck to paycheck, moms who want to be able to have an income while being a stay at home parent, people who love the camera and their own bodies, people who know there are others out there who want to see them without clothes on, normal everyday people!
Will this $50k stop the exploitation of women? Or men for that matter- yes, there are men who are exploited too! No, it won't. That is an entirely different issue. And not one that can even be touched on a state level! The internet is not local!
Will it help with the sex trafficking of minors? Hell no! Not even in the same realm of issues! Yes, Utah has a BIG problem with this, but has our gov even acknowledged it? This is Utah, folks, what we cannot see- doesn't exist. Yes, the sex trafficking is a big concern, and that $50k could be a huge start to addressing it and putting a stop to it.
FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS! in the entire state budget, it is a minimal amount. But think of the things that money COULD do! We have so many problems that need funds. Take $50k out of your own damned pocket to give this non-profit! and leave my tax dollars out of it!
Gov Herbert declared porn is a public health epidemic or something like that... I very much disagree with that. Yes, there are a lot of problems, but an epidemic? It is a choice! ok, a choice that can become an addiction... has Herbert put any money toward solving our drug addiction problems here? Honestly, I have no idea- Im hoping he has but I really have little faith in this man anymore.
Pornography is something that will never go away. I just don't get why our tax dollars have to fight this mans personal battles! do what is best for our state, not your opinion of what is best!
Sorry, that's my rant for tonight. I don't like this man, I don't like the things he stands for. I don't like being told I have no idea what I'm talking about, and I absolutely don't like being told by "someone who knows all" on this subject- that I don't get it...

Best Thanksgiving Ever

Over the years I have had some pretty great holidays and some really crappy ones... which led me to not ever want to celebrate any of them ever again. With November being such a miserable month normally for me, and memories of Thanksgivings gone by~ I especially hated this holiday.
But I knew some day that would have to change. My daughter is married now, I want to create positive memories, new traditions- things for her to smile about and share with her family.
So this year, having my in-laws living with us, my daughter and her new husband, my husband who has put up with years of me not wanting the holidays... I decided to make the best of it. We had little- ok, no money, I had no idea how we would make it happen, but I had to. For the kids- all of them. Thru the kindness and good hearts of others we were able to have plenty of food- all the mandatory Thanksgiving feast dishes! It was amazing. All the family, and the love, the smiles and happiness~ it really was an incredible day for me, and hopefully for everyone who was a part of it.
I had to work part of the day, so I wasn't here to help prepare much of the food... but I did help with some! First time ever prepping a turkey! Dinner was eaten late because of my working, but it was worth the wait! We had pies too!
I just can't explain the happiness, the love... how blessed I truly felt that night. I have a new family, and new tradition for Thanksgiving... for years to come.